GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING Issue #68

Adolescence has a terrible reputation, and teenagers know it.  “When I turned 13,” writes Vita Wallace, “the thing that I worried about most was that I would suddenly be considered a confused and frivolous teenager.”  “There is a popular belief,” echoes Anna-Lisa Cox, “that teenagers are not only supposed to behave miserably, they are supposed to feel miserable as well.  “It’s a difficult time,” adults traditionally sigh.

Maybe it is.  Maybe there are things about it that will be difficult no matter what anyone does.  But what comes through so clearly in the teenagers’ writing in this issue of GWS is that adolescence doesn’t have to be as bad as we assume.  The teenagers who wrote for this issue were asked to answer the question, “What do you want from adults?,” and it’s hard to read their responses without feeling that they deserve to get what they’re asking for.  “Respect,” they say, over and over again.  “Civility.”  And, perhaps most important, adults who will help them find ways to do the work, the activities, that they are discovering they want to do.

The interesting thing about these particular teenagers, all of whom have spent some time homeschooling and many of whom have never been to school at all, is that the stories they tell here are more often than not about getting what they want from adults.  They may know that they can’t count on this from everyone, and they may have had frustrating experiences as well (some of which they do describe here), but they are also able to give example after example of adults taking them seriously and helping them to do what they want to do.  Carey Newman’s parents helped her get permission to have a show of her wildlife sketches at a nearby gallery.  Emma Roberts finds that the adults in her community theatre group treat her like a serious professional.  Chelsea Chapman has an adult friend who was willing to help her write a play.  And so on.  Somehow these young people are finding ways to overcome adolescence’s negative reputation and to get what they need from the adult world.

What’s striking about the examples the writer’s give in these pages, when set against the conventional view of teenagers, is that instead of wanting a separate youth culture, these young people want to be let in to the world of adults.  They want to work with adults, to hear what older people have to say as long as they’re allowed to form their own opinions and make their own mistakes.
Does the fact that these teenagers aren’t in school explain why they would rather be part of the world at large than part of some separate teenage world?  Some might say it does, because school is where the youth culture flourishes.  But I think we have to look further and ask why it is that teenagers in conventional high schools seem more likely drawn to a separate youth culture and alienated from the adult world.  I submit that it’s because that separate culture is too often the only one available to teenagers in school.  We deny them meaningful access to the adult world and then wonder why they seem so bitter and resentful toward it.  What teenagers need - if I can presume to speak for them for a moment - is adults who can say, “This is adulthood, and it’s pretty good, so come on along.”  Many of the teenagers who wrote for this issue seem to have such adults in their lives, and we ought to think about how to make that possible for other teenagers as well.

The teenagers in this issue, without consciously intending to, manage to present a vivid picture of what homeschooled teenagers are doing, and of what adolescence can be for teenagers who are able to explore the wider world and find out how they want to fit into it - teenagers, in other words, who are allowed to get right to some of the important tasks of growing up without having to worry about grades, school assignments, popularity, and so on.  These accounts should inspire younger readers who may see possibilities for themselves in them, and older readers who will, after they’ve finished with this issue of GWS, have no excuse for not giving teenagers the respect, and the kind of help, that they so clearly say they want. ¾ Susannah Sheffer

OFFICE NEWS & ANNOUNCEMENTS

[SS:] Since our last issue went to press, Pat Farenga testified as an expert witness at Clonlara’s trial in Michigan.  The trial resulted in a victory for Clonlara and for homeschoolers in Michigan, as you’ll see in the story at the right.

An article I wrote for the American School Board Journal called “What Schools Can Learn from Homeschoolers,” is scheduled to run in their My issue, I’m told, so those of you who read that publication can watch for it.  I hope it will be useful to some of you who are dealing with school officials, as it also suggests some ways in which schools can help homeschoolers.

I spoke for a while with a writer from U.S. News & World Report, who was doing a story on the learning disability label, (”Labeling Away Problem Kids,” in the March 13, 1989 issue).  She asked for the name of a family who had challenged the LD label, and I thought of the Smeltzers, who had testified in behalf of the Pennsylvania homeschooling bill.  I was happy to see the Smeltzers featured in the final article.  Later I talked to Gerald Coles, author of The Learning Mystique, (now available from us in paperback), who had also spoken with that reporter.  He said that as he travels around the country promoting his book he hears many stories of children who are suffering under the LD label.  The problem is indeed an urgent one; we hear many of those stories here, too.

We want to thank the many volunteers who have given us important help in recent weeks.  David Swank, Don Stevens, Mary Steele, and Mohammed Fajd helped us get out a bulk mailing.  Nancy Fiero helped us update our Learning Materials List, Loretta Heuer sent out our renewal reminders (which she has been doing for several months), Peggy and Emma Roberts spent a day in the office helping with all sorts of tasks.  Yaron Goldman, who traveled from Illinois last year to spend a week volunteering with us, decided to return and bring his whole family with him, and they were all a big help.

Our postal forwarding order will expire in a few months, and we want to update our address in as many places as possible before this happens.  We will send labels with our new address to any of you who would like to put them in copies of John Holt’s books in your local library.  Also, we notice that quite a few local newsletters are still using our old address.  Please do us the favor of reminding the person in charge of your local newsletter about this.

Another simple way that you can help us is by sending us names of pediatricians, dentists, etc. to whom we might send sample issues of GWS.  We’re thinking that, particularly in smaller communities, some of these doctors might subscribe to the magazine and add it to those in their waiting rooms.  When you send us the names, let us know whether it’s OK to mention you by name in the cover letter that we’ll include with the sample issue.

Many of you have waited very patiently for How Children Learn to become available again.  It’s here at last.  The publishers have also reprinted Teach Your Own, so we have plenty of those on hand.

NEWS & REPORTS

VICTORY IN MICHIGAN

On February 14, Judge Thomas Brown rules in favor of Clonlara Home Based Education Program in the suit that Clonlara had brought against the Michigan Department of Education.  The ruling means that the Department of Education can no longer use the procedures (regulations) governing home education that it had established in 1986.

Some background:  In early October of 1986, the Department and Board of Education adopted what they called “Nonpublic School and Home School Compliance Procedures.”  These procedures required homeschooling parents to use a state certified teacher daily for 180 days of the year, and to keep the teacher’s certificate and other information on file with the Intermediate School District.  Shortly thereafter Clonlara, and one of its parents, filed suit against the state’s procedures, limited to Clonlara families.

The preliminary injunction meant that the procedures with which Clonlara families had to comply were modified:  the teacher no longer had to be physically present, and could be used for a minimum of two hours a year.  But Clonlara still found the procedures vague and violative of parents’ rights in practice - home schools were being held to standards and requirements more restrictive than those for any other nonpublic school - so they returned to court to seek a permanent injunction.

Judge Brown’s February 14th ruling granted it to them, declaring that “the procedures are illegal and without basis in statute.”  He ordered the Department of Education to develop new procedures and to submit them to him for approval.  At GWS’s press time, then, Michigan is without any homeschool regulations, and Clonlara and the state’s homeschooling parents are waiting to see what new procedures the Department will submit.

OTHER STATE NEWS

For addresses of state and local organizations, see GWS #66 or our Homeschooling Resource List, available for $2.

Connecticut:  Homeschoolers attended an Educational Committee hearing on February 6th to learn more about bills dealing with  truancy, including one that defines a truant as a child who “misses more than 15 days a year without a certificate from a licensed physician stating that… the child was unable to attend school for medical reasons,” according to the March/April issue of Hearthnotes, the newsletter of the CONNECTICUT HOMESCHOOLERS ASSOCIATION.

Maine:  On December 20, the Maine Supreme Court ruled unanimously that the state’s homeschooling regulations are constitutional, according to the December issue of the ReMAINEing at Home newsletter.  The case was an appeal by the Blount family, who had attempted to homeschool under the state’s guidelines for non-approved private schools, rather than under those for homeschooling.  The Blunts argued that they were a legitimate private school under the state’s regulations, but the court agreed with the state’s claim that the family ought to follow the homeschooling regulations instead.

North Dakota:  On February 20, over sixty national and state homeschool leaders. and four to five hundred homeschool advocates, rallied in protest of the state’s treatment of homeschoolers, according to a press release from the NORTH DAKOTA HOMESCHOOL ASSOCIATION.  Several cases involving homeschooling families are pending in North Dakota courts.  Reverend Clinton Birst of NDHSA told us that several recent events fueled the protest:  “…One family was fined four thousand dollars, children were forced on the stand as state’s evidence, the Department of Human Services threatened to block an adoption of a homeschooling family which was charged with deprivation of education (court evidence showed, however, that the child in question was well educated), and a homeschooled child was being denied the opportunity to participate in the state spelling bee.”

Wisconsin:  The legislature passed a truancy law which requires counties to establish local ordinances regarding truancy, according to the February issue of the WISCONSIN PARENTS ASSOCIATION newsletter.  WPA advises parents to check with public officials to see whether a particular county’s truancy procedures affect homeschooled children.  WPA also adds that although statutes say that attendance officers do not have the authority to check the attendance of homeschooled students not enrolled in the local school district, they may request attendance information from homeschooling parents if they have reason to suspect truancy (truancy from the home school, in other words).

STUDY OF SOCIAL INVOLVEMENT

From the results of a study on homeschooling by Susan V. Groover, a graduate student at the University of Georgia, involving a sample of ninety homeschoolers in Georgia (the study’s full title s, “Family Environment and Attitudes of Homeschoolers and Non-homeschoolers”):

The homeschoolers were divided into three groups according to the reasons they gave for deciding to homeschool their children… those who gave academic reasons only (Group A), beliefs/values reasons only (Group B), or both academic and beliefs reasons (Group AB).  The fourth comparison group (Group PS) was comprised of families recommended by homeschoolers who sent their children to public schools instead of teaching them at home.

…No significant differences were found between the four groups in any areas of social relationships.  Parents were shown to be equally involved in their communities.  Children’s social involvement, measured by the number of groups the child belongs to, was very similar among groups.  No differences were found in the amount of the child’s peer interactions, which was measured by the number of friends they have and how often they get together inside and outside the home.

Also interesting, from elsewhere in the results of the study:

Public school parents allowed much more television viewing than all homeschoolers, 29% of whom had no TV in their homes.

COOPERATIVE SCHOOL
Ilana Goldman (IL) writes:

When we took Yaron out of school in fifth grade, the one activity he was sorry to miss was band.  We approached the elementary school teacher about the possibility of Yaron’s taking just a few classes at the school.  He seemed offended and threatened by the idea of homeschooling, and doubtful of our ability to teach Yaron, saying things like, “It’s already August and you don’t have a curriculum yet?”  He added that he “didn’t have the manpower to supervise Yaron’s coming and going.”

The next year we decided to give the idea another try, this time at the junior high.  Ready for a major confrontation, we went into the principal’s office, and voila!  He thought it was a great idea.  During Yaron’s years at the junior high we have constantly found the school personnel cooperative, flexible, and understanding of our special situation.  For instance, when Yaron did not like the art class he was taking, he simply pulled out in the middle of the semester without any problems.  He also took two months off in the middle of the school year (to go to school in Israel, and then to travel in Europe) with no objections from anyone at the school.

We have had an interesting experience with gym.  Yaron did not like the compulsory shower after class, so we didn’t send him to gym in seventh grade.  When the gym teacher discovered why Yaron wasn’t coming to gym, he told him that he didn’t have to take the shower, and that he really would like him to come back - which he happily did.

As Yaron is now in eighth grade, I was a bit worried about having to start all over with the high school.  As it turned out, all it took to get the same kind of cooperation was one short phone call to the principal.  It seems that once you get into the system it is easier to deal with other schools.

An interesting aspect of our arrangement with the schools is how much everyone involved enjoys it.  Yaron goes only to classes of his choice, and therefore has a great time; his teachers are thrilled to have a student that is really interested and enthusiastic; and I love being able to provide him with enriching activities within walking distance.

This point was really brought home recently when Yaron called the Science and Industrial Technology head at the high school to find out what level science class he should enroll in, and whether he needed to take all the prerequisite courses for electronics.  After a five minute conversation, the man told Yaron that he should take the most advanced science course, and that he would waive the numerous prerequisites for both that and electronics, since Yaron obviously already knew the stuff.  Nobody tested him or questioned his abilities because they were so impressed with his interest and enthusiasm.

CALENDAR

May 5-7, 1989:  California Coalition of People for Alternative Learning Situations (CC-PALS) annual state conference in San Luis Obispo.  For information, send SASE to:  Laurel Stephens/CC-PALS, PO Box 456, San Luis Obispo CA 93406.

June 10-11:  Clonlara Home Based Education Program Conference in Plymouth, Michigan.  Pat Farenga and Susannah Sheffer (and many others) will lead workshops.  For information:  Clonlara, 313-769-4515.

We are happy to run announcements of major homeschooling and related events, but we need plenty of notice.  Deadline for GWS #69 (events in July or later) is May 10.  Deadline for GWS #70 (events in September or later) is July 10.

GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING #68, Vol. 12 No. 2.  Date of issue:  April 1, 1989.

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN LEARNING AND TEACHING

In GWS #64, Nancy Wallace wrote about her daughter Vita giving violin lessons to a six-year-old friend named Justin.  Now Nancy writes:

Surprisingly, since Vita is a violinist and pianist but not, like her brother Ishmael, a composer, her violin lessons with Justin have gradually turned into composition lessons.  Sometimes Vita and Justin don’t play at all, but every week he brings in a fresh page of sheet music, lovingly notated in blue and red ink.

One day, when they were still dutifully going through the first Suzuki violin book piece by piece, Justin arrived at a lesson and announced, “I can read music!”  And he could.  His mother had shown him that the printed notes on a page symbolized actual pitches that he could make on his violin, and she had pointed out that by memorizing the location of just one note on the staff - in this case it was the A on the second space up - he could figure out the rest of the notes by interval.

This knowledge seemed to give Justin an incredible sense of power.  He no longer had to wait for people to teach him songs.  He soon realized, though, that there was more to music-reading than just figuring out the notes that the composer wanted him to play.  The next week he asked Vita plaintively, “How come when I play the right notes the piece STILL doesn’t sound the way I know it should?”  “Well,” she said, with more honesty than diplomacy, “You are going to have to play the proper rhythms as well.”

Like many children who learn to read words by writing them, Justin apparently needed to write music down in order to really understand it.  He began writing notes, as if that was the only way that he could clarify for himself the different rhythmic quantities that notes represent.  The act of writing them down set them firmly in his mind, more firmly than any teacher could have instilled them in him with the usual method of making him clap out rhythms.  After that, every time he learned a new technique on the violin he asked Vita to write it.  Seeing how it looked on the page invariably helped him to play it.  Justin was now writing page after page of music, and yet in his own mind, and certainly in Vita’s, he was still a violinist - a violinist busily learning as much as he could about how to read music.

Perhaps Justin trusted all along that Vita would be able to teach him the things he felt he needed to know in order to become a composer.  Maybe that’s why, after the initial excitement over note-reading wore off, he still patiently unpacked his violin, and played for her each week, even though we could all sense that he was itching for something else to happen.  But what?  Justin didn’t seem to know, and for several agonizing weeks it seemed as if all he could do was wait, and keep asking his questions, until he was conscious enough of what he really wanted to be able to ask Vita for it in words.

The problem for Vita, though, was that more often than not Justin’s questions seemed more like symptoms of frustration than anything else.  I sometimes wondered if his questions weren’t simply a stalling tactic, a way to avoid telling Vita that he had lost interest in the violin altogether.  Vita offered no theories of her own, but she was obviously troubled by the way things were going.  Yet when, as so often happened, Justin set down his violin in the middle of playing a piece to ask Vita how to write stems on quarter notes, she always told him immediately.  Neither Vita nor Justin realized why he was more interested in stemming notes than in playing nice pieces.  Vita worried that she wasn’t giving Justin what he really needed, and I know she worried that one day he might simply stop coming to lessons.

Fortunately, she kept answering Justin’s questions the minute he asked them, even when that meant interrupting the music they were playing.  Justin kept coming, and one day he brought the beginnings of a real piece to a lesson.  After that, he arrived each week with new drafts and new additions.  Rather than interrupting the main business of the lesson - violin - the piece seemed to complement it since, in a way, it renewed Justin’s interest in playing.  The piece was like a journal of everything Vita was teaching him to play, and in order to develop more ideas for the piece he played more.

It certainly wasn’t the typically tuneful piece that you would expect a child to write.  There’s no way you can hum it the way you might hum “Mary Had a Little Lamb.”  There are no real melodies in the piece at all, perhaps because Justin was primarily concerned with exploring all of the technical possibilities of violin playing and notation.  Sometimes, watching this young boy had Vita the latest addition to his piece, I was tempted to wonder if he was concerned with anything beyond constructing a random hodgepodge of technical “fireworks.”  But each week Justin made it clear that he had definite ideas about where he wanted the piece to go and how he wanted it to sound.

“Play that,” he often said to Vita as he set his music on the stand.  When she did, he might then single out a measure and say, “But I meant it to slow down there.”

“Oh,” she’d say.  “Shall we add a ritard?”

“Yes,” he’d say.  “How do you write it?” (This is a kid, I kept reminding myself, who can barely read!)

It never once occurred to Vita to doubt the legitimacy of Justin’s interest in or ability for composing, and I think she even stopped noticing when he forgot to unpack his violin at lessons.  Yet it was almost without thinking that she finally put a label on what he was doing.  “Did you compose more during this week?”  she asked one day as he walked in the door.  Imperceptibly, over the past weeks, Justin had again taken control of the lessons.  His mind no longer seemed to wander, he no longer itched with obvious frustration.  And yet it seemed to me that it was only when he heard the word “compose” ascribed to his week’s work that he (and Vita) finally became conscious of the change that had taken place.

Where another teacher might have been disappointed because Justin now openly preferred writing music to playing it, Vita wasn’t disappointed at all.  She had been willing to live with confusion and frustration rather than doubt him, but now she was simply relieved that he was so clear about the work he wanted to do and the ways in which she could help.

[SS:} I responded:

Your story says so much about learning and teaching, and, interestingly, about their interdependence.  In the traditional teaching model, the whole question of whether Justin was there to learn to play the violin or to write music would have been in an important sense up to Vita.  If she saw herself as a violin teacher only, she might not have had the interest or the patience to wait out the gradual but significant shift in Justin’s priorities.  She might well have said, “I offered to teach violin; if you want something else, you’ll have to look elsewhere for it.”  I don’t think she would necesssarily have been to blame if she had said this - we can’t make people teach what they don’t want to teach any more than we can make people learn what they don’t want to learn.  But it would have made things different for Justin.

If, on the other hand, Vita had been willing to teach Justin whatever he wanted to learn, but had been too uncomfortable during the period of ambiguity and frustration to allow it to resolve itself by itself, she might have jumped in and decided to teach composition before Justin was sure that that was what he was asking of her.  “Justin’s interest in the violin is flagging,” she might have thought to herself.  “I’ll have to do something to keep him interested in lessons.”

Neither of these things are what happened, and I’m thinking of yet a third thing that might have happened but didn’t.  Justin might have decided to go it completely alone, thinking to himself that Vita was no longer giving him exactly what he wanted (even if he couldn’t yet articulate what he did want).  He might have stopped taking lessons soon after he began to feel vaguely dissatisfied, and then - well, I don’t know what would have happened then.  Certainly he might have figured out, at some time and in some way, that composition was what he really wanted to do.  But what fascinates me, in your story, is how Justin was able to figure this out with Vita’s help.  I’m inteested in how their sticking together through this somewhat confused time helped Justin discover what he most wanted from Vita, and Vita discover how she could best give it to him.

People often ask me whether self-directed learning puts teachers out of business.  What it does is radically change what that business is.  Figuring out how you can be most helpful to learners who are at the same time figuring out what they want to learn and how you can help them is not the same as deciding what you will teach and then teaching it.  But it is not nothing, either.  This is what I’m really trying to say, that Vita was part of Justin’s process of discovery in a hundred ways, most of which we’ll probably never know.

Just as I was thinking about all of this, a letter arrived from Kim Kopel, one of the young writers I’ve been working with.  She says so well how self-directed learners can make use of teachers that I have to quote from her letter:

“I used to feel that I had to work and work on a piece and perfect it as best I could before I sent it to you, so you wouldn’t have to make many suggestions for changes or revisions, because I found it hard to get used to someone criticizing my work, and so I felt that if I made it perfect enough it wouldn’t have to be revised.  I felt that having someone else suggest changes, revisions, etc. made the work less original, less mine.  Now I realize that having someone else do this offers me more possibilities and freedom than ever could have been available if I did not have a teacher.

“…I think there was a time when I was focusing more on what you would think of what I’d written than really working on saying what I meant or what I wanted to say.  Now I revise and am critical of my own work as I used to be, but it’s very hard to be your own most critical critic!  You are very sharp, and don’t miss anything, so I can count on you to show me all the things I missed - this could make me lazy, but I’ll be careful.  You really keep me on my toes - I have to be ready to give account for and explain my thoughts and ideas for everything I write.  I think this has made me a more careful writer.  I work harder to make sure I’m saying exactly what I mean, that it’s perfectly clear, that I’m to the point and don’t wander… Before, I looked at making revisions and changes as something that needed to be done before whatever I’d written was ‘finished,’ but now I enjoy the process of it, as much as I enjoy writing the first draft.”

What Kim has learned fully enough to be able to describe, and what Justin has learned more unconsciously, is how to involve other people in work that is very definitely their own.  I can’t think of a more important skill for a young person, or any person, to have.

CHALLENGES & CONCERNS

LEARNING NOT TO PUSH

Sandi Hall wrote in the January issue of the Homeschoolers’ Voice, a Washington newsletter:

I should know better.  I am the homeschool advocate who has told hundreds of new and old homeschoolers that they shouldn’t push their children…  So why did I start demanding that my 7 year old, Kyle, sit down every day and write every letter of the alphabet?
It all began when we were at a family reunion and my five-year-old nephew began to write his alphabet.  My mind began to race - “What if they asked my son to do this?”  I knew he could handle most of the letters but only in upper case.  His young cousin was using both.

When we got in the car and headed for home I asked Kyle to write his alphabet for me.  He seemed to panic, claiming that he didn’t know them all.  I said I just wanted to see the ones he did know and that way I would know which ones to help him with when we got home.  He did great!  He would sing the alphabet song over and over to get the letters.  I smiled as I listened to his, “A,B,C,D… A,B,C,D,E… A,B,C,D,E,F…”  At about M or N he shouted excitedly, “I DO know them!” and continued to with much more enthusiasm.  When he proudly handed it to me (apologizing for the wiggly lines because Daddy was driving over too many bumps) I saw that he did indeed know how to write his alphabet and only three of the letters were reversed.  Not bad, I thought.

The next day I continued with my effort to get Kyle to practice his letters.  Once through and I’d read him his favorite book.  With a sigh he complied.  On about the third or fourth day his sighs became louder and longer.  He made statements like, “I’m not ready to learn this.  I planned on waiting until I was * to learn this.  I feel like I’m in school.”

I lectured him on the need to know how to write now because he was going to be with other 7 year olds who could write.  My wise son then told me, “But Mom, not everybody learns the same things at the same time.”

I thought about this all evening and discussed the issue with my husband.  He was as wise as his son and pointed out that Kyle was simply repeating what he had heard me say over and over again.  I thought about several friends who talked about their sons and daughters who waited until age 9 or 10 to read and write.  I might have to put up with some raised eyebrows from family and friends, but I decided Kyle was going to keep his excitement over learning.

The next day I told Kyle he was right.  I should not be forcing him to learn something he did not feel ready for.  I gave him an old workbook on the alphabet and said it was his to use as he wanted.  If he wanted any help from me I would be ready today or next year, but it was his choice.  Twice that day he picked up the workbook and began working away, telling me his plans for how much he would complete each day.
I also make special efforts to find other ways for him to practice his writing.  He wants to do a special project - I have him make the list of supplies.  Or if his younger sister asks how to form a letter Kyle is very proud of the fact that he can help.

He also loves science so we did some observation and classification of different types of trees on our property.  I suggested that he write down the full name of the tree and I would list his observations.  He thought that was great because he knows that paper work is important for scientists keeping track of their findings.

THE TROUBLE WITH SOCIALIZATION

Paula Hildreth wrote in the Winter 1989 issue of Pennsylvania Homeschoolers:

Since we moved from the country to a neighborhood nine months ago, I have been the unwilling recipient of many lessons on the negative aspects of socialization.  We’d always lived in the country, and our children had much more limited contact with other kids than most children do.  They saw children every week at church, and some of Jessica’s clubs and lessons included other children.  Of course, we always had other children “shipped in” from time to time, but there were no regular playmates.

This could have been a fiasco, since our children are all three years apart.  But our children enjoyed each other in spite of the age difference, and from the first they played well and happily together.  In fact, from the time Daniel now 6) was 1, he and Jessica (now 9) were so tight that they could spend a whole day together in intense little projects and playings.  When other children came over, all the children that were present were involved in the play, so that if Jessica had some girls over, Daniel was accepted as part of the group, and vice versa.  This is not to say that there weren’t quarrels and problems from time to time, because there were!  But for the most part our children were close and loving friends.

When we moved to this neighborhood, things began slowly to change.  There was only one other little boy Daniel’s age, but there were a few girls that came within Jessica’s age range.  Jessica began to spend some time with one of the girls in particular.  At first there seemed to be no negative effect on her.  Slowly, over time, though, I began to see her change.  First of all, Daniel was no longer allowed to join in the play when Jessica was with Debbie.  Now, I know that Jessica and Daniel are not an inseparable pair, and I really do want each of them to form their own friendships.  But they went from being friends to being enemies, and I was sad to see it happen.

Secondly, I saw Jessica try to act more and more like her new friends.  She began to walk and laugh like one of her friends, and wanted to spend all her time with them.  The situation reached its worst this summer, when the neighborhood kids were out of school.  Apparently the other kids were allowed to run free all summer, with no restrictions; I think some of the kids left their houses after breakfast and didn’t come home until dark.  This just isn’t the way we run our family, though.  Jessica began to balk at practicing the piano every day (no one else had to do anything like that), and even resented spending time with us.  Since she wouldn’t play with Daniel anymore, he began to be an active hardworking “pest.”  He said he hated girls, and tried to interrupt their play and “spy” on them.  I guess it was the only way he had to interact with Jessica anymore.

What’s funny about all of this (in a sad kind of way) is that I strongly suspect that most educators would have been much happier with Jessica’s socialization while all this was going on.  After all, she was interacting often with her peer group, making new friends, and isn’t that what socialization is all about?  Isn’t it great when our kids can fit in?  It was a series of incidents that turned this whole situation around.  First of all, Jessica was at the neighborhood playground one day, and she witnessed a little girl being made fun of and attacked in a terrible way.  Jessica was the only one there who didn’t know the little girl - the child’s best friend was there, and even she turned on her - and Jessica was the only one who stood up for her.  She was terribly shaken by this event, finding it hard to believe that people could be so cruel.  But as much as this hurt Jessica’s heart, her friends thought nothing of it, and I think this is what really started Jessica thinking.

Other things began to happen:  during the past six months, Jessica has seen big kids bully and threaten little kids, little kids hit big kids over the head with mallets, one of her friends being kicked in the mouth, and then thrown to the floor, by her mother, children purposely destroying toys that belonged to someone else, and a little 8-year-old girl who told her friends at a slumber party that she thought no one loved her and that she was going to go in the kitchen and kill herself with all the knives.  I guess after seeing and hearing all these things, Jessica just got a belly full.  She began gradually to distance herself from some of these children, and to spend more time with Daniel again.  I’ve watched this happen with relief, and knew we were back on the right track when Jessica began to tell children who came to the door that she was busy playing with her brother right now, thank you - maybe she would play with them tomorrow.  She does still play with neighborhood girls, but not very often, and when she does, I’ve noticed that Daniel is often included in the play.  And backing away from these children has not left a void in her life.  She is back into her projects, practicing piano more often, and above all she seems to be part of the family again.

I’ll admit that I tried my best to police the situation with the neighborhood kids when it was at its worst.  Jessica wasn’t allowed to run all day with the rest of them, and I curtailed the time she spent with them.  But with all the rules I imposed, and all the ways I tried to circumvent some of the “bad influences,” Jessica was the one who had to decide whether or not she wanted to be just like these other girls.  I’m glad she decided she wanted to be herself and not one of the crowd.  I’m also happy that she is able to play with other children from time to time without feeling that they have to take over her life and her actions.  She seems to have struck a happy balance, all by herself.  She’s able to play with them and have a great time when she wants to, but she has a clear idea of who she is, and has no problem telling other children, “Sorry, not now, I’m busy.”  And this, I believe, is what healthy socialization is all about:  not having to fit into the crowd, but having a deep sense of who you really are, and being able to meet others at that level.

CORRECTION

A sentence in Jan Hunt’s “Achieving A Critical Number of Supporters” (Focus on Children’s Rights, GWS #66) was printed incorrectly.  The sentence should read:  “There is, of course, no way to know what the critical number of humans must be for a new awareness of children’s’ rights to take hold; the implication from this ‘hundredth monkey’ phenomenon is that the number does not need to be large.”  We apologize for the error.

A GROUP DOESN’T GUARANTEE FRIENDS

From Dale Vostitsanos (CT):

Every so often, a parent asks in the pages of GWS, “Why is it so hard to find friends that are as nice as my kids?”  Why do we have to choose between unsatisfactory peer relationships and utter loneliness?”  As we wander about in our unsettled life, having lots of lovely experiences and meeting wonderful people, but remaining outside of any stable community, it’s an issue I think about a lot.  Sara (10) is an only child, with no first cousins in this hemisphere (nor indeed aunts and uncles except on flying visits) and we’re not in one place long enough to enroll her in a class or group activity.  She’s stuck with me - even her dad is seldom around for more than one month in six (he’s in the merchant marines).  She’s thrown back on her own resources (good), but by circumstances, not choice (not so good).

Fortunately, I spent a great deal of time at the school she once attended, and was able to observe her unnoticed at odd moments of her school days.  Yes, she sometimes longs now for a close and proper friend who’s available to play, but that small ache is nothing compared to the pain of the loneliness she felt in the midst of all those kids.  She wanted to play kickball, or search about for toads, and the other girls only wanted to try out Madonna’s latest number, and those (boys) who were playing ballgames were concerned first and foremost with the professional rules for the game, and didn’t have the slightest idea of what a “friendly pick-up game” might be.  Besides, Sara appeared to be the only child in the playground who’d been raised as a nonsexist, and the lines of demarcation there were firmly in place.  When I would look out of the window of the classroom I was in I’d see her, leaning face downward on a swing, staring at the mud and her own two feet, unable to find anyone who gave a damn about just having fun - and the truly upsetting thing for me was that, until I was physically at the school all day and could see her misery, she never mentioned it, more than saying that she didn’t enjoy school and the kids were OK but didn’t seem to ever have any ideas of things to do.  She assumed (quite rightly, I’m afraid) that that was just the way school was.  It was nothing worth remarking on.

HOW TO MAKE LATIN RELEVANT

Patti Pitcher (WA) writes:

Becca is a very word-oriented person and is fascinated by the idea that our words come from other words.  She has repeatedly expressed and interest in learning Latin.  I feel kind of intimidated by this for a couple of reasons: 1) I don’t know any Latin at all; 2) I don’t really know of any ways to make it relevant.  We have read quite a bit of Roman mythology and Roman civilization books to her but other than that I am kind of stumped.  The only other thing I have done is casually talk about the word roots I know, when it comes up (i.e. when she asks what something means).  This is exactly how the whole idea to learn Latin originated.  Do you have any suggestions about how to help a 7 year old explore this?

[SS:] I responded:

I can see that it is a bit overwhelming to think of helping Becca learn Latin when you don’t know it at all yourself.  But the two of you can learn it together.  Katherine McAlpine, who wrote about a good series of Latin books in GWS #65, is learning Latin alongside her son Nathaniel.  Kids often like learning something with their parents, because it put both of you on the same level - it’s a change from Mom being the one with all the answers.

About making it relevant - I’m tempted to ask you to think about what you mean by this, for this reason:  if Becca is “very word-oriented,” “has repeatedly expressed an interest in learning Latin,” and you’ve already read quite a bit of Roman mythology (which I’m assuming she found interesting, from the way you tell it), why do you think you have to do anything special to make Latin relevant?  If by relevant you mean relevant to Becca, it sounds as if it already is.  Why start out thinking that you’re going to have to work to make it interesting when you’ve just told me that it is connected to other things that Becca is thinking about and that she is already interested in learning it?

I say all this so emphatically because I fear that we tend to think in terms of selling things to children - “How can I make math interesting, how can I make Latin relevant, how can I dress spelling in pretty clothing?”  I’m inclined to think, either it is interesting, all by itself, or it isn’t.

Now, of course it’s not quite that simple.  What is interesting to one person may not be interesting to another, and what is not interesting at one time may become interesting later.  And, too, a boring or badly-conceived book or lecture can (though not always) dampen our initial interest in something.  But I think that many of us come from a way of thinking that supposes that traditional school subjects are inherently boring, and that we have to do something special to make them interesting.  What this misses is the fact that Latin (or math or reading or whatever) is not only a school subject.  It’s also part of human history and experience, and there’s no reason to start out by giving it a handicap, so to speak.  No reason to start out by thinking of how to sweeten it up.  If Becca has said that she’s interested in learning it, it seems to me that your attitude should be, “Great, I can see why you would be interested in that, let’s see what we can do about it.”

I think you have a sense of this already, because you talk about her fascination with words and how this led to curiosity about Latin.  So it’s really a matter of trusting Latin, in addition to trusting Becca.  Of course, as I said earlier, some books may be better than others, and you can use the recommendations in GWS (#62, #65) to help you investigate some of the better ones.

HOW ADULTS LEARN

TEACHING THEMSELVES TO WRITE
Pam Gingold (CA) writes:

I was lucky enough to discover at an early age that I only learn things when I write them down.  Sitting through a lecture at school, I found that the information went in one ear and out the other.  Reading and visual aids helped me somewhat, but the real magic for me is when I physically write out what I want to remember.  Just the sheer act of writing it apparently imprints it on my mind.  Sometimes, back in elementary school, I would copy whole passages out of the book if was having trouble remembering things.

Because of my need to write things down, I have spent most of my life pen in hand.  Perhaps it’s not strange that I have always had the desire to become a professional author.

The last thirteen years of my life have been totally devoted to mothering.  Between home births and the midwifery movement, long-term nursing and La Leche League, and seven years of homeschooling, there has not been enough time to pursue my goals.  But now that my kids are getting older and I’m beginning to get serious about what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, I know I want to see if I can succeed at my long-held ambition.

In spite of my strong feelings about wanting and needing to write, I am not particularly gifted at writing.  Although I make lists, write myself reminders, and write letters to around twenty-five pen-pals, writing does not come easily to me.  I struggle with organization, long-windedness, grammar and clear imagery.  I can have a perfectly clear thought that comes out sounding terribly garbled on paper.  I know I need to learn how to write better, but I don’t think I need anyone to teach me how to write.  I contemplated joining a creative writing class, but the thought of writing exercises and turning them in for a grade really turned me off.  If I spend my time writing, I want it to be the real thing, not practice–which is exactly how my son Jeremiah felt when he was younger and why we started the Homeschoolers for Peace newsletter.

One of the hardest things is having to be my own boss.  Again I can empathize with my kids - they always have a hard time getting down to work when there’s no one hovering over them saying, “Do it NOW.”  I have research to do, proposals to write, deadlines to meet, and there’s no one to make sure I get it done except me.  It’s so easy to push it into the background and do the things that my family are always asking me to do for them.  Just sticking to it is a struggle for me.

So here I am, plunging into the competitive writers’ market, teaching myself step by step along the way, collecting rejection slips.  I’m finally homeschooling myself, which is even more rewarding than homeschooling my kids.

When I confessed to our Independent Study teacher that my kids haven’t been doing much schoolwork lately because I’ve been researching and writing, she surprised me by saying that was great!  “Most kids think education is unimportant because they don’t see their parents using theirs,” she informed me.  “Having them see you learning is an education in itself.”  (This from a public school teacher!)

And from Mary-George Simonitch (CA):

There are times when I find that I am quite naturally sharing my work with my children, my work as an aspiring writer, that is.  I often read my writing aloud, for I find it an invaluable tool for identifying awkward phrasing and rhythm.  If the children happen to be near, they listen, and sometimes have useful comments to make.  Erin (8) is working on two novels - one is science fiction, the other contemporary adventure - and she is very interested in the revision process, which is what I am involved in now as I work on my own series of novels (mine are historical).  Erin has demonstrated that she is developing an excellent ear for written languages, and she sometimes catches my mistakes before I do.  She sees me working, rewriting, improving, becoming frustrated, and always, always persisting.  And when I take her suggestions for improvement, she learns the value of constructive criticism and how to offer it and take it herself.

CHILDREN BECOME INTERESTED

Barbara Nielson of Vermont writes:

I felt I really had to respond to Paula Hildreth’s letter in GWS #67 [Mother Wants Time for Herself].  I also have three children and a home that seems to need cleaning all the time.  I think you have to develop priorities, and on my list housework comes at the very bottom - I just deal with the necessities.  I also let everyone help out, and if my daughters’ bedroom is not cleaned up the way I like it, I do my best to ignore it.  At least they did it.

I am finally making time for myself in our busy  household schedule.  I write, play the piano, (I’m just a beginner), or do a craft.  I also belong to a community chorus that meets one evening a week.  One important thing has happened since I started to take this time for my interests:  my children have become more interested in them too.  My 4 year old now plays the piano and has expressed an interest in lessons.  My 9 year old started writing more stories and really working on them, after I shared one of mine with her.  They see that these things are important to me and so they take a new look at them.

MAKING SPACE

From Ruth Matilsky:

One difficult thing in homeschooling is making space for me.  About a month ago I went to a yoga ashram ALL BY MYSELF.  For one week I slept alone, had meals prepared for me, and did yoga three times a day.  My husband, Terry, was on winter break and stayed with the kids.  It was hard to leave.  The older kids were not happy about it and I knew Laura (the youngest) would find it difficult.  But it had to be done.  It was wonderful.  Re-entering the family was rocky because Terry was totally exhausted.  Laura had slept badly and been an all-around difficult person to cope with.  And she remained difficult for a few weeks.  But because of the kind of vacation it was (meditating, yoga, long walks in the woods, macrobiotic food), the effects have been long-lasting enough to be worth it.  I came back refreshed, with a new commitment to doing yoga each day.  Now when I wake up in the morning I go into a room by myself and spend forty-five minutes doing yoga.  This sets the pace for the rest of the day.
So I feel great, and want to let you know how important GWS is in tying us homeschoolers around the country together.

PAINFUL SCHOOL MEMORIES

More from Dale Vostitsanos:

GWS readers sometimes remark that those of us who did well in school suffered (usually unknowingly) at the hands of a system that singled us out for all the wrong things, and held us up as good examples just because we happened to do well in test situations.  That was the case with me - I was the best in my class all through elementary school, found tests enjoyable, and retained much with minimal effort.  Consequently, I never learned how to really work at something, was often given privileges I felt I didn’t really deserve, or delegated an authority that was bound to bring out resentment in my classmates, and then, had the system clobber me whenever I showed any initiative.

In sixth grade, we were told to memorize any poem for recitation.  I loved poetry and had come across a volume of Longfellow at home, so I chose “The Village Blacksmith.”  What a challenge!  And yet I loved doing it, and was ready on the assigned day.  But my teacher stopped me mid-stanza, yelled at me in front of the class, saying it was an inappropriate selection for sixth grade, and assigned me a moronic ten-liner to recite after school the next day, or I’d flunk.  She found ways of “getting back at me” until the year ended - ways that had a serious and long-lasting effect on my school career.  The higher the grade level, the more narrow-minded and jealous of any imagined threat to their authority the teachers were, with few exceptions.

My daughter Sara’s attitude toward schoolwork was never what mine had been - she was openly and adamantly self-directed from the start, and never felt that the teacher’s opinion of what was important should supersede her own.

FINDING AND MAKING COMMUNITY

ACTIVE SUPPORT GROUP

More from Ruth Matilsky:

As time goes on I find myself more committed to homeschooling as a way of life.  It seems more and more bizarre to send children off to school.  At the same time I am aware of the pressures and stresses on folks who choose to do this unusual thing in mainstream America.
We are fortunate in that we live ten minutes away from a very active food co-op that has a storefront in a building that is owned by the co-op.  We do virtually all our food shopping there, and through it we have met many homeschooling friends and sympathizers.  By writing articles about homeschooling for the co-op newsletter I’ve been able to get in touch with other homeschoolers, and now we have an active support group that meets each week.  There are five families who come each week and a few others who join us from time to time.  This is just the right number because it is large enough that there is a variety of people and not so large that it becomes unwieldy.

Because our support group members live in the same general area, and because most of us shop at the co-op we see each other frequently.  Some of the mothers swap child care and one mother has an arts and crafts class that she holds every other week.  The children feel a true sense of community because they see each other in so many different situations.

This is my 9-year-old daughter Sara’s sixth year skating and she is starting to do jumps and spins.  The neat thing about this is that skating is something we can all do together.  I love watching Sara teaching her younger sister the marching step on the ice, and it’s really exciting when she tries to teach me to jump.  I am a competent skater, but she is doing things I have always been afraid to try.

This year all of the people in our support group are beginning to join our family at the ice skating rink.  It’s interesting to watch the children relate to the other skaters.  The morning is such a relaxed time because there are so few people, so it is easy to get to know the regulars.  One 7-year-old girl in our group has struck up a relationship with a man who has been teaching her how to do some intricate figure skating.  One of my children, who has been going to the rink since infancy, feels as comfortable there as in his own home and has gotten to know the adults well.  They skate with him and enjoy talking to him.  I am forever getting comments on how bright these homeschooled children are and I must admit I am usually surprised that people are so impressed because all the children are doing is carrying on a conversation.

GROUP FOR OLDER KIDS

Moira Nobles (CA) wrote in January:

About six months ago we started a weekly group for the older children in the SPICE support group in Sacramento.  We have varied religious affiliations, and the group was to be for kids ten and older.  Of course the siblings were invited also.

We started meeting at each other’s houses, but found that difficult as the group got bigger.  We now meet in a community room of a library in the Sacramento area.

At first, there was very little structure, and we found that the group needed more.  One mother is guiding discussion groups for the older kids and the younger kids (8-10) using the Junior Great Books series.  Another mother attended a seminar given by a local newspaper and is now guiding the two groups through activities related to newspapers.  I will be organizing group sports.  Another mother is taking care of field trips.

We have to drive 30-40 miles to attend these activities but I enjoy the other mothers and my kids enjoy being with so many other homeschooled children, so it is worth the time and effort it takes to get there.

LOTS OF HOMESCHOOLERS

Eileen Perkins (UT) writes:

In our two- to three-block neighborhood, there are three families homeschooling all their children, and two with just one child at home.  Through their own choice, most of these children are best friends.  It has been fun with our Brownie troop, too, this year - half the troop are homeschoolers.

HOW NEW HOMESCHOOLERS CAN FIND OTHERS

Pam Gingold wrote in the February/March issue of the NORTHERN CALIFORNIA HOMESCHOOL ASSOCIATION News:

When we moved to this rural area five years ago we found it difficult to plug into the homeschool grapevine.  In a community where houses are scattered all over the woods and folk have independent attitudes, it seemed impossible.  Needing to keep a low profile because the authorities didn’t know we were homeschooling added to the problem.

What could I do?  Knock on doors?  Call my way through the phone book?  Ask at the School District office?  All unreasonable, but we were feeling so lonely that I was getting desperate.

Finally I figured that the only thing I could do was to make it possible for other homeschoolers to find me.  Here are a few things I came up with that may be of help to others:

1.  Buy a copy of Teach Your Own by John Holt for your local library.  Print on the inside cover, “Donated by,” and your name and phone number.  Anyone reading that book will be interested in where the library got it and whether anything is happening locally.  Do the same for a subscription to Growing Without Schooling (or NCHA News) and be sure to write your name and phone number on every issue.

2.  Put an ad in your local paper.  This may take a little creativity if you are trying to stay underground, but it can be done.  If you’re not worried you can say something like, “Parents and kids interested in homeschooling - meet at ______ Park on Wednesday 10 AM.  Bring a lunch.”  Or you could use words like “alternative education” or “GWS” or “John Holt.”  Homeschoolers will get your meaning right away, but no one else will.  Then take your kids to the park!

3.  Look in the NCHA News for your County Contact person.  If there isn’t one for your county, become one.  You can list your name and phone number and thus become accessible to others in your community.

4.  Put up NCHA and WS flyers in your library, and at your local park, market, etc.  Write “Local Contact” on them with your name and phone number.

5.  List your name in the GWS Directory.  I’m always poring over the names and addresses from Northern California to see if there’s anyone nearby; I know everyone else must do that too.  You can also list yourself as a county support group.

6.  There are a few places you can call to find out if they know of any homeschoolers.  If there’s a local midwife and/or La Leche League, they are great contacts.  Many babies who have their babies at home and get into League keep their kids out of school.  A group in our town, “Childcare Resources and Referral,” has me listed as a homeschool support group in case anyone ever calls to ask them about homeschooling.

CHOOSING COMMUNAL LIVING

Rose Olivia of Missouri writes:

This is in response to the many letters I’ve read in GWS concerning parents having enough time to themselves while homeschooling and also providing varied adult and child contacts for their children.

After having my daughter at home for a while I began to feel uneasy about our being so focused on each other and in each other’s presence constantly.  And I like to work and have interests of my own.  I didn’t want to battle with her over our needs.  During this time my mate and I were considering communal living as a means to a more ecologically and economically sound life.  We don’t have a large extended family and have wanted one.  So we researched it and eventually moved to a community n the Ozarks called East Wind.  This community is a group of diverse people trying to be equals.

As luck would have it another homeschooling family had arrived a few months before we did.  They have a daughter the same age as ours.  Together we are recreating space and resources for the children (at one point the community ran a school for older children, so they have a lot of materials and a large library).

The children in East Wind have their own building where they live and play.  There are always committed adults there.  A certain amount of the time I spend with my children is funded by the community - meaning it is considered part of the total work I do each week.

For us this is, for the most part, working beautifully.  Since we all work on the farm my daughter can be with me or the fifty-five other adults at just about any time.  Most of the folks are more than willing to share their work and play with the children.  My daughter doesn’t just get my viewpoint; she can get lots of others’ and sort it all out.  I am not just homeschooling; I have my own work and interests  and more free time because we share the chores.

Most of the children in the community are under 3, but there are some folks who live in the area who visit, and numerous others who come from farther away, so the older kids have occasional other playmates.

This way of life has met many of our needs.  If anyone would like more information, write to:  Federation of Egalitarian Communities, East Wind Community, Tecumseh, MO 65760.

AN EFFECTIVE SPACE

In response to our discussion about community spaces in GWS #62 and #64, Jutta Mason of Toronto sent us a copy of a paper she wrote called, “An Open Letter:  On the need for unprogrammed common space for families in Toronto:  The recreation of a commons.”  Some excerpts:

Families in Toronto need community spaces, but have none.  They have municipal sports/crafts centers, but no common space where the people of the community can come and be together in order to see one another, talk together, and meet new people, in an unprogrammed way.  They have no commons, no town square, where all kinds of interesting and surprising things may happen but where no one is exhorting them to shop, to pray, to read, to write examinations, to exercise, or to move along.

I would like to tell the story of a group of families who have been working at recreating a commons for themselves and their neighbours at the Wallace-Emerson Community Centre.  Every Thursday, from just before lunch until the middle of the afternoon, there is a “scene happening at Wallace-Emerson.  This scene began four years ago when a few friends resolved to find an indoor park where their small children could run and play freely in cold weather, and where both adults and children could meet with their friends - and make new friends.  Wallace-Emerson gave them a permit to use the gymnasium.  The “indoor park” was always open to anyone, and the number f people who came increased week by week.  In its second year this purposely non-programmed time was accepted as one of the things offered by the centre and listed in the schedule as “creative play.”

Between one and two hundred adults and children come to Wallace-Emerson on Thursdays now.  They spill out of the gym into other parts of the centre.  Some years mothers have gone up to the wood-shop with their children, to hammer and saw.  Plays have been put on, seasonal festivals conducted, music groups have sprung up…

The idea of such an unprogrammed, unmanaged happening has been hard for the centre staff to accept.  The Wallace-Emerson Centre is run on a schedule with certain definite programs, usually one to two hours long.  At the end of each program, the participants are expected to leave, unless they are joining in another program…  It is common for a person moving through the centre to be blocked by locked doors and to have to make one or more detours to get where they want to go.  Every staff member carries a key ring with many keys.  One of the games which persons using the centre are obliged to play is “hunt the staff” - cruise the corridors to try to find someone to unlock a door.  This repeated experience does not make a person feel welcome.

Where do families and children feel welcome?  If they want to visit with one another, talk, laugh, kick a ball around, nurse their babies together, meet other families, where can they go?  Libraries are for books, and noise is discouraged.  At shopping malls the space is organized for shopping, with eating areas designed for efficient refueling.  Government buildings are built for offices and elevators.  Churches are organized for worship and activities of the congregation.  Parks are more flexible - but in rain, wind, cold and snow, they have no warm shelter (why not?).  Schools are for classrooms, with some organized special events, but only for the families of children enrolled there.  And “community centres” are mainly for sports and crafts programs.  They are staffed by persons who have come through a recreation training course based on the idea that recreation is a special area of expertise, which must be packaged and administered to “users” in preplanned, carefully managed programs…
Community life can grow, by itself, unplanned, when it is not smothered by official constraints.  One example of spontaneous growth is the Thursday indoor park at Wallace-Emerson.  During the four years of its existence, many of the same people have come back year after year.  New babies have been born to some of the families, and their growing up has been noted and admired.  People who have moved away or whose children are now in school come in when they’re in the area to report on their lives to their community centre friends…

Over the years it has gradually become harder and harder to get people to leave in the middle of the afternoon…  This is a problem.  At 4:00 the [centre’s] first scheduled program begins in the gym… The children who have been there all afternoon stand on the sidelines watching.  Sometimes they try to imitate the actions of the gymnasts - or perhaps they just continue with their own game, moving it to the other end of the gym.

The blurring of the limits between programs has been disturbing to the staff… After repeated exhortations to the families to leave the gym at the specified time - they try to get going, but they always backslide - the staff have recognized that the removal of the community from the centre is a management problem and can be accomplished using appropriate strategies.  At five minutes to three, the staff arrive, ask the children in the gym to move off tot he area around the eating tables, and, by means of a key, lower the metal barriers that separate the gym from the kitchen and entrance corridor…  The message is clear, and is finally received…  The community has been successfully removed.

When spontaneous community life does get going - when the commons begins to come back into existence - it is always in danger of being ruled out of order.  Unmanaged community space is theoretically an admirable thing, but from a management point of view, a pain in the neck…  If the spontaneous creation of a common space by families - and by cigarette-smoking, card-playing grandfathers and twitchy teenagers - is seen as vital to the building of a functioning community where people can come to know their neighbors, then a highly programmed centre can be seen as an obstacle to community life in the city…

Jutta Mason adds in her letter to us:

About fifteen or sixteen homeschooling families now use this “indoor park” and we form the core of what goes on there.  I have read with interest Susannah’s thoughts on revitalizing museums and other public spaces [GWS #59, #64].  Families who don’t send their children to school have a much greater interest and stake in building community life, and therefore we are potentially an important resource to our faltering neighborhoods.

The sequel to my Open Letter, unexpectedly, was a call from the director of our municipal Department of Recreation to ask whether he could send copies of the letter to all twenty-five community centres in Toronto as a “shining example” of the direction that those centres could take.  Our own centre has offered us a full-time staff/resource person, more flexibility of time, and more space (this is all free, i.e. paid for by our taxes).  They also want to send all their staff to our non-program for “community training.”

Too good to be true?  Probably, at least in the short run.  It will be interesting to see whether a real conversation between the centre management and us ordinary, slightly anarchic people can get going.  Basic assumptions about the need for “leisure education” and hierarchy and child management in these centres need to change before any real gains can be made in re-creating a commons.

It seems remarkable to those of us who have been involved with the Thursday “indoor park” how thirsty local people have been for the kind of neighborliness they find with us.  And as for not sending children to school, well, they wouldn’t take that step, but - how pleasant the children are, how relaxed, how infrequently they fight, how they put together such interesting games even though there are so many different ages!  And so on.

If neighborliness and the re-creation of a commons of one kind or another are actually a vital interest for both schooling and non-schooling families, then the very natural tendency of us non-schoolers to try to rebuild neighborliness may mean we have a much less marginal place in our culture than many of us have come to assume.  We have not only the power of time (still not much time, but so much more than those families involved with schools) but also the power of trusting our own understanding and resources as opposed to yielding to management by experts.  In our present cultural void, very inadequately addressed by an army of social service workers, just a few families with both the time and the common sense to just sit down in a spot and pay friendly attention to one another for a few hours, on a predictable day, can have an influence all out of proportion to the simplicity of their action.

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR TAKING A STANDARDIZED TEST

A little comic relief for families who may be gearing up for taking standardized tests this spring from The Winter issue of the FairTest Examiner:  “Ten Commandments for Taking a Standardized Test” by Edwin F. Taylor:

I.  Thou shalt not make subtle distinctions (the universe must fit into four or five boxes).

II.  Thou shalt not think broadly.  (Only one given answer can be correct.)

III.  Thou shalt not have thy own ideas.  (Adopt the fantasy world of the test maker or else fail.)

IV.  Thou shalt not devise unusual relations among things. (A is to B as C is to what Somebody Else has in mind.)

V.  Thou shalt not be different in unique ways.  (You are being compared with others along a single line according to a “normal” curve.)

VI.  Thou shalt be better at naming a concept than at using the concept.  (Word recognition is the easiest skill to test.)

VII.  Thou shalt not try too hard.  (Let your middle-class background guide your choice of answer; if you are not middle class, too bad.)

VIII.  Thou shalt not be confused by misleading or crowded graphic layout.

IX.  Thou shalt not confuse the answer with the name of the answer, with the number or letter of the answer, or with the box to be shaded to tell the computer the number of letter that corresponds to the answer thou hast chosen.

X.  Thou shalt not be frightened.

WATCHING CHILDREN LEARN

LOVING MUSIC

Elsewhere in this issue, Ilana Goldman (IL) writes about her son Yaron’s involvement in the local public school, including playing clarinet in the school band.  Here she writes about his clarinet playing in greater detail:

Yaron started playing clarinet in fourth grade.  The day he received the instrument he spent five hours figuring it out, and the next day astonished his band teacher by playing a small part of Tchaikovsky’s sixth symphony.

That year he enjoyed playing with the band, and took private lessons, which he seemed to like also.  The following year he became a homeschooler, and found himself without a band.  The fascination of the clarinet diminished greatly.  He lost interest in the private lessons, and got annoyed with the teacher’s criticism of his performance.   He was also provoked by her expectations that he practice, especially since she was the one who chose the pieces he was to play.  We dropped the lessons, and the clarinet lay forgotten for a whole year.

Then one day I mentioned to him in passing how beautifully he used to play, and shortly thereafter he took the clarinet down and started playing again.  To my amazement, he continued from the point at which he had left off, not at all the worse for not having practiced for a year.

Since then Yaron has joined the junior high school band, and is happily taking lessons again (with a different teacher).  The best part is, he loves it.  He still rarely practices.
Last week the school band had a solo and ensemble competition (the judge was awed by Yaron’s performance!).  While waiting for Yaron I was chatting with a mother of another boy and asked her if her child enjoyed the clarinet.  She answered, “Not so much, but he practices regularly because that was the agreement we made before we got the clarinet.”  This - not uncommon - answer always leaves me wondering about the motives of the parents.  What other reason is there to play an instrument besides the joy it gives you?

I am convinced that the reason Yaron enjoys his playing so much (and therefore does so well) is that whether to play, and how to go about it, was always nobody’s business but his own.

SCHOOL DISCOURAGED SINGING

Still more from Dale Vostitsanos:

Patti Blystone’s letter about her musical child (Would He Stop Singing?” GWS #65) struck close to home.  My daughter has the same habit, which began as soon as she could make a noise.  At 2, her exuberance caused my mother to refuse to accompany us to the grocery store, because she warbled operatically as I maneuvered the cart through the aisles.  (Most other shoppers appeared amused, but my mother was raised not to draw attention to herself.)  The happier Sara was, the louder she sang.  She often made up little operettas as she played - her dolls and toys never spoke except to music.  This wasn’t a problem when she went to kindergarten, but in first grade, at the first parent-teacher conference, her musical habit was brought up, as it was “disturbing the other children.”  By the time of the conference, the shushing from her classmates and the rebukes of her teacher had just about eradicated the “problem.”  She rarely sang in school.  But she also rarely sang at home.  The joyful zest had disappeared.

Mid-winter, we began home education, and by the end of the month, the music was back.  Later we had another go at public school, and this time she knew what was expected.  There was no complaint, but once again the singing stopped.  The sparkle faded from her eyes as well, and her exuberant attitude changed to quiet unhappiness.  We’ve returned to homeschooling, for good, we both hope, and the music is back again.  In many ways, the evidence points to music - self-created music - as being necessary for her well-being.

READING AS PART OF A RELATIONSHIP
From Aaron Falbel’s work-in-progress about the Danish Friskolen 70 (see GWS #64, #59):

Maria (11) and Johanne (9) are using the wood-burning set in the workshop to make Christmas presents for their friends and relatives. Maria has just completed a small, wooden tic-tac-toe game for a cousin of hers in Sweden.  The X’s and O’s are made out of wooden pieces that fit neatly into a finely-crafted playing board.

She has just finished etching an inscription to the recipient of the gift on the back of the playing board when little Clara (6), who just started at the school at the beginning of the month, wanders by and is drawn in by the scene.  She watches Maria etch a floral design under her inscription and is fascinated by the strangeness of this smoldering writing instrument.  Maria notices the presence of Clara and displays for her the finished product.  Clara turns over the board and feels the grooves of the inscription with her fingers.  Maria asks her, “Can you read what it says?”  Clara shyly shakes her head no.  Maria smiles and says, “Come,” and she motions for Clara to come sit on her lap.  Then, very slowly and sweetly, Maria sounds out the words as Clara guides her fingers over the dark-brown letters.  Clara is totally absorbed:  Her face conveys an expression of rapt concentration, her mouth partly open, her cheek leaning against Maria’s arm.  The entire episode lasts not much more than a minute.  It was so effortless, natural, and unselfconscious that to call it “peer tutoring” would be to debase the beauty of the situation.

Maria was not so much giving a reading lesson to her young friend as sharing something she had made to a curious onlooker.  The fact that she is a girl a few years older than Clara was important.  Clara could identify with her.  She could say to herself, “In just a few years, probably less, I could be doing the same thing - using these tools, making these things, reading, writing…”  The fact that Maria has a somewhat maternal side to her character (which sometimes works against her) gave a particular feel of security and closeness - “Come sit in my lap” - to Clara’s experience.  This security, so apparent on Clara’s face and in her subtle body contact, made her totally unaware that she was engaged in “the process of learning,” however brief.

We have only to compare this vignette to the common school experience of the “reading group” to see how profoundly human relationships contribute to the structure of the experience.  In a very real sense, the human relationship between these two girls in this brief encounter contributed to the structure of Clara’s relationship with the printed word, with the activities and tools of the workshop, and with her acceptance into this new community of people.

NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT READING

More from Ruth Matilsky:

I was starting to get worried because all Sara ever wanted to do was read novels.  Because I could never read anything serious until I was well into my twenties, I was afraid of her turning out that way.  Then a few months ago Laura got into Sara’s origami paper and ruined it.  The screaming was pretty awful.  So for Sara’s birthday I got her new paper and an origami book (in Laura’s name with an apology for being such a pain).  I figured I would read the origami directions and teach Sara.  Well, I read two paragraphs and felt the tension creeping into my body - something like math anxiety - and put the book down.  Sara picked it up and proceeded to teach herself how to make the most complicated origami creations I’ve ever seen.  I can’t believe that she can follow these directions, let alone remember them, but she does.  For two months she has taken origami paper with her everywhere she goes.  I am no longer worried about her reading skills.

It is a real temptation to shower kids with all kinds of lessons, from gymnastics to piano to acting.  We have limited the amount of outside programs we’re involved in.  Sara is the only one so far who has asked for outside classes, and she takes ballet and skating lessons, activities for which specific techniques must be learned.  But I think it’s important not to spread our children too thin.  I’ve particularly resisted art lessons (outside of the crafty kind) because I think kids should be able to develop their own styles.

WHEN THEY WANTED TO READ

Melany Cueva of Oklahoma writes:

It was another quiet night at the hospital, except for the soft, soothing sounds of fellow nurses reading medical journals, yesterday’s comics, nursery rhymes, or any other available literature, aloud to my fetus.  It was the dawn of the brighter baby era and my peers were insuring that my newborn would have a headstart on reading.  From this early exposure on, Christopher grew up surrounded by books.  By the time he was 3 he could make a career out of choosing a library book and often fell asleep under a magazine.  We had done everything, I thought, to nurture a supportive climate for reading.  Why then was he not reading when most of his peers were?  What had we missed?

This fall we decided to homeschool Christopher in first grade.  My energy was devoted to discovering the best strategy for helping him make sense of the world of letters and sounds.  Together we drew hopscotch squares on cardboard from refrigerator and mattress boxes, writing various word families in the squares.  We played ping-pong reciting rhyming words.  We wrote favorite words on cards and then, choosing one, would act it out or draw a picture of it.  We wrote words on rocks and then put them in order to make favorite sentences.  Using an empty milk carton, we made a word cube which we rolled to read our word and then use it in a funny sentence.

In spite of our efforts one key ingredient was missing.  We lacked time for me to relax and for Christopher to develop.  Not all flowers bloom in the spring.

Christopher, now approaching 7, has picked his own time and his own way to learn to read.  “Beginner books are boring,” he says.  “Why should I  read them when I can tell the story from the pictures?”  He is drawn to books in which words paint the pictures for him to imagine.  Now, when reading is a natural part of his life, I asked him what helped him learn to read.  His simple reply:  “I wanted to.”

Last Monday, at the library, Katie (5) chose a beginner book and started sounding out words.  Christopher heard her struggling, walked over, and putting his arm around her, encouraged her to continue, offering help only when asked.  She finished the book, both of them beaming.  Like her brother, Katie had read because she wanted to.  Christopher had freely and spontaneously given the best help he could give - his love and support.

FARM APPRENTICE

Sandra Mountjoy (MO) wrote that Tabitha (13) “recently secured her first away-from-home employment, “helping out at a nearby farm.  We asked Tabitha to tell us about this work, and she responded:

I first met Ms. Chaffin, who owns the farm, by buying a horse from her.  My new horse, Shari, is now boarding there, so I help out around the barn.  I sometimes feed, which includes graining, haying, watering, and anything else that each horse needs.  I might clean stalls or lead horses to pasture for their exercising.  I am also learning to give the ill horses penicillin injections.

I have many other interests, too.  Dancing is an activity that I really enjoy.  I took an adult class on ballroom dancing this fall.  It was very fun.  Papa and I were partners and we had the best time.  I was treated as an adult although at the time I never expected anything less.

I have been to five home births - two of them were my own sisters.  One was just last month.  I was responsible for the other children.  At another birth four years ago I talked the baby’s sister through all of the strange noises mothers make while in labor.  Another birth was two years ago.  I did the most at this one.  I told the five year old girl everything that went on.  I also did  all sorts of little chores for the midwives such as pouring olive oil into my mother’s hands and getting clots wet and filling pans with water.

Reading is very fun in our home.  Everyone reads.  Kalista, my little sister, read at 3 and we read whatever is in our hands.  My favorite scholastic study is reading, and Homer’s Odyssey is the most thrilling book I have ever read.

READING, MATH FROM PLAYING BRIDGE

Marian Bever (IN) writes:

We have decided to adopt a minimal schedule.  We now do math in the morning (we are working through the Arithmetic Made Simple book).  Mark (10) is supposed to read a minimum of fifteen minutes of science or social studies by himself.  We also do reading together (I read to them).  The boys play a lot of games together.  If it is a new game, they (mostly Mark) read the rules themselves and figure it out.  Then later they sometimes make up some different rules to suit themselves.

We got a bridge game for our computer.  The boys watched me play it for a while and learned the basics.  Then they wanted to play with real cards, so their father and I played with them.  Now they want to play bridge almost every night.  (We don’t, though!)  One day they noticed that there is a bridge column in the newspaper, so they read that every day.  Sometimes they get out the cards and follow the hand that is described in the paper.  Our next plan is to see what bridge books may be available in the library.  I think there is a lot of math involved in playing bridge.  You have to count up points to see whether you can bid or not.  When you are playing the hand, you have to keep track of how many trump have been played (at least, it is a good idea to do this).  Mark has learned much from reading the bridge rules we have.  Who knows what else we might be learning from this.

LEARNING ABOUT NATIVE AMERICANS

Cindy Howdyshell of Maine writes:

One of the reasons we are homeschooling is that schools seem to focus on only one perspective of many issues.  Where does milk come from?  Goats, of course!  What color are apples?  Our favorites are yellow.  Who fixes the plumbing?  Why, Mommy, of course!  See what I mean?  That’s why we’re looking at American history from a very American point of view - the view of the Native Americans.  The Indians had some fabulous values to pass on to their children.  For a view of this, I recommend Seven Arrows by Hyemeyohsts Storm and The Education of Little Tree by Forrest Carter.

I’ve decided that when we learn a different language (must it be foreign?) I’d like to learn an American Indian language.  The Sioux had a sign language that all the Plains tribes could understand, and I’ve found a book on that, but nowhere have I found anything on any other American Indian language.  Can anyone help?  I am part Cherokee (very small part) and would be interested in that language, or Sioux, or any other that’s available.

WATCHING DRESS REHEARSAL

Helen Rubin of Florida writes:

Last year I noticed that a local middle school was performing The Hobbit, and following a call to the school we were invited to watch a dress rehearsal.  It proved more interesting than an actual performance because we were privy to all the technical wrinkles they were trying to work out, including microphones, videotaping, projection of voices, timing, etc.  Daniel (11) had his copy of the book with him and studied the maps as he listened and watched.

I consider a properly-written thank you note to those who assist homeschoolers our best form of public relations.  We always sign ourselves as homeschoolers.

AN INTEGRATED LIFE

Patti Pitcher (WA) writes:
This year has been such a delight.  Things I had always been hoping would happen with homeschooling are happening spontaneously.  Now that Becca reads, the whole world seems to have opened up to her.  We can’t go to the library often enough.  She often has three or four books on different subjects going at any one time.  I just find it so exciting to watch.  I don’t know, maybe it’s being 7 or the reading or making more homeschooled friends - Becca is just so full of life.  Every day she is bursting with ideas to keep her busy.  Her life seems so integrated, with playing being the central theme.  She and her sister Laura get going in a game and pretty soon they are using the dictionary to look up the flag of Spain so they can draw a flag to put in the castle that they are building out of blocks (the castle idea came from a book Becca was reading about magnificent constructions).  And then they ask about costumes and then Becca will play a few songs on the flute as part of the game, and then how do you spell such and such…  It goes on and on all day, she explores so many things, all within the context of the game.  There is nothing linear about this process and no way to evaluate how she is progressing, but it is obvious she is learning.  One minute she is working on learning to cooperate, finding a way to meet al the players’ needs, and the next minute she asks how to spell something.  It feels so rich and real.

PARENTS TAKE PLAY SERIOUSLY

From Amanda Bergson-Shilcock (PA):

Recently I’ve started running a restaurant which I call The Golden Saucer.  I run it in our house, and only members of my own family come to it.  I’ll announce at about 2:00 in the afternoon that I’m cooking dinner that night, and that everybody should keep out of the kitchen.  I make hor-d’oeuvres, a big dinner, and dessert, and then I tell everyone to get dressed up because they’re going to a fancy restaurant.  My sisters come and bring their dolls, and even my brother Nicholas, who’s 4 and is now old enough to know how to behave at a fancy restaurant, will get dressed up and come.

What I appreciate is that when my parents come to the door they don’t just say, “Amanda, where do we sit?”  They say, “We have reservations for tonight,” and I say, “Oh yes, right this way.”  We act like we’re no relation at all.  They act like they’re at a very formal, very special restaurant.  They don’t ask me to step out of my waitress role - they treat me as if I’m really the waitress, cook, owner, and so on of a real restaurant.  They respect the fact that I want to set it up that way.

My dad was telling the group of children at Open Connections, the family center that my parents run, about The Golden Saucer, and he didn’t tell them that it was run by me until the very end.  He told about how everybody in the family had gone out to dinner at this very fancy restaurant, and then some of the kids said - these are 4-7 year old kids - “Where is this place?  Can we go?”  Dad said, “Well, actually, it’s in my own dining room, and my daughter Amanda runs it.”  Some of the kids were very surprised, and I really appreciated that my dad took me seriously that way.  I don’t like it when adults make fun of things like that.

THERAPEUTIC PLAY

More from Aaron Falbel’s manuscript:

Fantasy seems to play some sort of therapeutic role in the lives of many children.  Children who have been hurt or demoralized by some experience in their lives need time to heal and recuperate.  Rather than submerging or repressing painful experiences, to turn them over in their minds and come to grips with them.  Just as children make sense of the world through fantasy, they can also use fantasy to analyze some of their more painful moments by playing with them…  They are, perhaps without knowing it, following Freud’s injunction to “make the unconscious conscious” through their play, as the following example illustrates:

Every so often a group of children would play “school” at the school.  They would set up a number of beer cases in the music room to form rows of desks and chairs…At the front of the “class” they would assemble a tall lectern made up of still more beer cases.  This was the “teacher’s” place, and one of the children would adopt this role.  This “teacher” would SCREAM at the class to sit down, pay attention, read out loud, answer questions, and would administer punishment if they did not comply.  The rest of the children, who played the part of the class, thought that this was uproariously funny.

At first I thought the whole affair rather odd.  Why should children at a free school want to play this game?  But then I realized that the leaders of the game were invariably children who had themselves come to Friskolen 70 after harsh experiences at other schools.  Their fantasy dramatization of such a super-strict school was their way of coming to grips with their own experience through playing with it, externalizing it.  By adopting the role of such a ridiculous, tyrannical teacher - perhaps a parody of some teacher from their own past - they could deal with some of their own hurt and anxiety in a nonthreatening way.  They could take possession of the situation now, whereas before they were the victims…

WHEN RESEARCH PAPERS AREN’T COMPULSORY

More from Nancy Wallace:

About a month ago, Vita’s violin teacher asked her if she ever did projects at home.  “Yes, of course,” Vita said, amazed that anyone would even bother to ask her such a question.  She is always in the middle of some project.  Upstairs her room is littered with the scraps of material she is using to make a mask for her brother Ishmael, who is eagerly looking forward to the Valentine’s Day masquerade party and waltzing contest that the students at his music conservatory are holding.  In the kitchen she is drying her marbleized paper and exhibiting her latest nude sketches.  In the living room she has a pile of plastic 3-D shapes that she has built with a friend, and in the art room she has so many other things going that she has given up trying to keep a space on her desk clear.

Her violin teacher, though, had something very different in mind - a project that would better have been labeled a “school report.”  This is a quantity virtually unknown to naive Vita.  She has, in fact, written many reports, but she always considered them “papers,” like her father’s philosophy papers (with footnotes, of course, and academic-looking title pages), or “books” (with illustrations and pretty covers).  Vita, who has always been fiercely independent, always chose to write these books and papers, always chose her subjects, and always developed her focus herself.  Clearly, the violin teacher’s project was a different kettle of fish.

Every year, as it turns out, this teacher requires her regular violin students to research the history and development of the violin and turn in the results in report form.  This year she happily thought that Vita might like to do it too.  “Oh no,” I thought, imagining the teacher’s disappointment when Vita showed no interest (and I never expected that she would show any interest).  Innocently, (I thought), the teacher handed Vita several pages of mimeographed instructions.  I glanced at them over Vita’s shoulder.  They called for lists of famous violin concertos and sonatas, short biographies of famous violinists and teachers, the names of the members of famous string quartets, and the vital statistics of at least twenty-five composers for the violin.  With a project like that, how can you help but copy everything straight from the encyclopedia?  I thought.  And why in the world would you ever care to keep any of the information in your head once you’d transferred it from the encyclopedia page to your own?

I expected that Vita would quietly tuck the mimeographed sheets away somewhere and forget about them.  But instead, she sat right down to work as soon as she got home.  A month later, she is still hard at it, still punching away at the typewriter, still burying herself in our Grove’s Dictionary of Music and her book of great violinists, still enthusiastic, and still spilling out to me all the various facts she is amassing.  The words she types are her own, and she seems to have no trouble formulating them.  All I can think is that through her genuine interest, she is digesting the information well enough to be able to think about it, and hence to write about it, from her own viewpoint.

I don’t think I ever remembered a date beyond the time that I turned in a paper.  Although I did well in school, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t absolutely sure that learning names and dates and writing factual reports were activities totally irrelevant to real life.  When Vita began writing her academic papers and books, I was sure that this was something different:  a way to explore media that the adults around her were involved with.  If, in her research, she memorized names and dates, I barely noticed and certainly didn’t give it a second thought.

I now think, though, that like many people I confused the compulsory aspects of my school experience with the actual worth of the assignments themselves.  So many of my friends are convinced that David Copperfield is a boring book even though they recognize that they may very well think so because they had to read it in school.  In the same way, it never occurred to me until now that I might be blaming names and dates in toto, because at the time I had no interest, in the subject that my teachers assigned me to write about, however worthwhile - or relevant at another point in my life - it might have been.

But if I wrote reports to please the teacher, Vita is only pleasing herself as she types away, and only satisfying her own latent curiosity about the subject.  The names and dates that she is busy learning are helping to place and organize all of the stray bits and pieces of information that she has picked up in her years of violin playing.  She feels the kind of excitement that I feel when I reorganize my files, learn what treasures I have been accumulating, and see how they all fit together.

Of course I can’t expect that the next teacher’s mimeographed worksheets will have the same effect on Vita at all.  She might just as easily stash them away on a shelf.  But as long as she feels free to do that - as long as she doesn’t feel compelled to please her teachers the way I did - she won’t develop any unfair biases about the actual value of the work.  To be free to say, “This doesn’t interest me right now,” means that you are always free to be interested later.

MAKING CONNECTIONS

Madalene Murphy (PA) writes:

John Holt has done it again.  In so many of his writings he has helped me articulate more clearly an idea that was bubbling around in my own mind but would never harden into any presentable shape, and in his letter that you published in GWS #67 he helped me clarify my feelings about teaching concepts to children.

Bronowski’s point that making connections is a creative act is one of the cornerstones of my concept of education, and not just for children.  Christian, when he was younger, used to have days when he would be obviously depressed.  He would mope around the house until he would finally burst out with, “I can’t think of anything to make!”  He had a real need to be making, to be creating, and he still does, although this need can be satisfied by a greater variety of things now - writing a story, having a good discussion, fixing his riding mower, making a door buzzer,

(”Watching Children Learn” continues on page 28)

for his room, as well as the old standby, making things out of wood.  But I also realized from his very obvious need that I had a similar one.  I find I feel psychologically and physically better when I am creating, and this applies not just to my writing or my quilting but to ideas as well - to the times when I can say to my husband Tom or to the kids, “Hey, I just realized that…”  This ability remains crucial throughout life.  I have some friends who are approaching their nineties and who are still very interesting people because they are still making connections and acting on them.
Evaluating children was much easier when learning facts was in vogue.  Evaluating a child’s grasp of concepts, or even skills, rests on much mushier ground.  John notes the problems involved in having to “repeat, as sense, what makes no sense,” but what I remember is all the evasion techniques students learn to survive, the ways they must cover up any lack of understanding, the care they must take in discussions.  A couple of months ago Christian and I were discussing Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  He had been looking for a book to read and I had pulled that book off the shelf as a suggestion.  Later I asked him what he thought of it and he said he thought it was strange, and explained how far he’d gotten, ending with, “Well, I think that’s what’s happening.”  I was surprised at his confusion but suggested we read the first couple of pages together.  Then I understood.  The vocabulary and sentence structure were quite difficult (I had to read one sentence a couple of times before I understood it.)  Christian’s explanation of the story had been accurate, but so was what he said about his feeling of insecurity.  It was a tough story to read and he had been honest about that, and our subsequent discussions of the book were honest, with both of us offering ideas about particular sections.  I was not checking on his reading comprehension or his vocabulary skills, although we were both getting a lot of exercise in those areas.  Now Christian and his younger sister Clare ask a multitude of questions about meaning or pronunciation or references to historical events or people when they are reading.  How many such questions are silenced by an atmosphere of evaluation?

But it is often easier to talk about what shouldn’t be done than to figure out and do what should be done.  The third paragraph in John’s letter is the most difficult one for homeschooling parents to act on:  how do we best assist our children in making discoveries that are meaningful for them, so that they don’t have to reinvent the wheel?  His suggestions are crucial ones:  time, freedom, appropriate arrangement of materials.  But interactions between parent and child are also important elements in aiding discovery, and if we reject the controlling teacher/submissive pupil kind of interaction we need to be able to identify what kind of interaction is helpful.

I’m sure that John was not advocating that we hide the connections we have made about our world from our children.  After all, he was objecting to the fact that he was forced to say Newton’s Third Law of Motion was true before he believed it to be true, not to the fact that somebody had told him about it at all.  And in the kind of non-evaluating discussion that can take place between parent and child, the kind of discussion that Christian and I had about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the child can hear and respond to some of the concepts that the parent understands without being graded on how well he himself understands them.

I remember many years ago, when Christian and his older sister Emily were very young, talking to them about inertia while we were riding in the car.  It was not in response to any question they asked; it was something that just popped into my head and I thought it would be a neat concept that they would enjoy knowing.  We talked about it in terms of the car and for a couple of days afterward Emily found other examples of it.  I never tested them on how well they knew this, but I did initiate the experience.

A small child doesn’t need a parent to evaluate her speech patterns in order to learn how to talk.  “I breaked it,” becomes “I broke it” because the child listens and compares what she says with what she hears.  And the same thing may have happened with the little boy Pat Montgomery talked about.  He was unable to accept that the barn in the distance was the same as the big barn in front of him, but Pat obviously did believe that and, although she wisely decided that she was not going to try to teach him this concept, this interaction may have caused a small shift in his world view.  He knew that Pat’s and his views of the situation didn’t match, and his wondering why may have led him to investigate that mystery.

Many of the discoveries in our house have been initiated by one of the children, and many I don’t even know about until long after they have happened, or at all.  But some I do know about, and the sounds connected to them are beautiful, like Christian’s “Oh, wow,” the other day as he took an old camera apart and saw in real life what he had been reading about:  how a shutter works and how it stays open for longer exposures.

Sometimes I am more involved in the setting up for the discovery, like slowing down the pace of a museum trip so that we all begin to look at things and think about them.  And some of the discoveries are of the more traditional sort.  Clare (9) just started working through a Saxon math textbook, which explains division as a missing factor multiplication problem.  After reading this section, she suddenly looked up at me and said, “I understand it.  I really do know how to do division now.”  She had been using division for a year or so, had even worked a little with dividing a variety of objects, but it wasn’t the right explanation or the right time for her.  The Saxon explanation did it.  Was her earlier experience with division an example of someone trying to teach her a concept before she was ready?  I don’t know.  I do know from talking to her about it that her previous attempts at division primed her for this discovery.  She had been rolling this mystery of division around in her head for a long time, and if the Saxon explanation had been her first encounter with division, she probably would not have gotten the insight she did.

Tom and I are now helping Emily learn how to drive.  I am finding it also a learning experience for me because I have time to analyze my actions as well as hers.  We are, of course, helping her by limiting the number of variables she has to confront at one time - beginning in an empty parking lot so she didn’t have to worry about other cars, choosing quiet roads at first and then moving to busier ones.  She would not necessarily have made the same choices we did because she doesn’t know all the possible dangers.  But most of the time I am quiet because I know driving involves a lot of built-in reactions, a lot of getting to know how big the car is and how to get it to respond.  There are times, however, when my comments have been helpful, like when I let her know that the steering wheel turns itself back to the proper position after she makes a turn.  Instead of trying to guide it back, she immediately tried out what I told her, letting the wheel slide through her hands, and was thrilled that it worked.  She would have eventually figured this out on her own, but it might have taken a while and she appreciated my advice.  Of course, it would have been totally different if I had waited until she had made a particularly awkward turn and then self-importantly instructed her on what she did wrong.

In general, I suppose the way I share my world view, the connections I have discovered, with Emily, Christian, and Clare is the way Tom and I are helping Emily to drive.  Sometimes I am just there when they need me, sometimes I am actively telling and sharing my knowledge.  It’s very similar to the way I share my world view with Tom or with my friends.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH SENTIMENTALITY

In the piece that talked about children working (p. 24, this issue), John Holt also wrote:

…I fear and dislike sentimentality because I’ve learned from experience that it is one side of a coin whose other side is callousness, contempt, an cruelty.  The trouble with the people who think that some of the time children are little angels is that when the children are not behaving in ways they like they think they are little devils.  The people who at one minute are ready to shed crocodile tears at the thought of an eight year old doing actual work will in the next minute become indignant to the point of rage or panic if I suggest that that same eight year old be given some kind of say about his learning or the conditions of his life.  This dainty angelic creature, who at one minute we had to protect, in the next minute turns into some kind of dangerous criminal monster.  In fact children are not angels or devils, saints or monsters, not naturally good or naturally wicked, simply human beings very much like the rest of us, with the additional assets of having rather more energy and hopefulness than we do, and the liabilities of being somewhat smaller, weaker, and less experienced.  If we could only agree not to take advantage of their weakness and inexperience, not actually and positively to prey on them, they would be safe enough making a great many decisions which we now don’t let them make.

RECOVERING ENTHUSIASM, SELF-ESTEEM

Susan Weed of California writes:

From the beginning Benjamin (now 14) has marched to another drummer.  He did not read with any success until he was 9.  We attributed this lack to some eye problems for a long time, but I now realize that he was simply not ready to read until then.  He ever seemed to “get” the material in the lectures at school or on the myriad ditto sheets.  However, he did wonderfully in classes like science where there was hands-on learning, and in one notable literature class where the teacher had the kids act out the story they were reading.  So, from the beginning I ended up working with him for hours after school, re-teaching him in the way I knew he would learn.

At first Benjamin wasn’t affected by being “wrong” so much of the time, but as he got older his self-esteem began to suffer.  His natural enthusiasm seemed to be waning, he hated school and often had headaches and stomach problems that would vanish soon after he was allowed to stay home.  We had tried both private schools, where he was to have individual attention (which often meant that the teachers paid so much attention to him that all the other kids knew he was “dumb”) and public schools where there were many in the same boat and he was passed over unless I was there every other day.
During Benjamin’s seventh grade year I began to feel burnt out from tutoring him and worrying about him.  Luckily, it was about this time that I ran across an article about homeschooling which mentioned John Holt and GWS.  I wrote immediately for information and after some four  months of research and a great deal of encouragement from my husband and my parents, I decided to give it a try.  After all, I told myself, I’d really been doing most of the teaching myself anyway, and I’d come to discover that being a teacher depends no more upon a degree than does being a mother.

Benjamin was delighted from the very first and told me his last day of school was the happiest day of his life.  I am quite sure he meant what he said.  We have now been homeschooling for six months, and it would take volumes for me to express the joy I feel in watching my son regain his self-esteem, his love of life and learning, and his wonderful enthusiastic personality.  Everyone notices the change in him, how mature and responsible he seems, and how, even with his active life, he seems at peace.

Two weeks ago Benjamin forgot the only books he ever read, Garfield joke books, when we had embarked on a seven hour car trip.  He was sure he would die of boredom.  I casually mentioned that I had remembered to bring the latest library book that I had only just started to read to him.  It was about a young man during the civil war and he had seemed to enjoy it.  After a time he sighed and said he guessed he would “look” at that book.  Before we arrived at our destination he had read four chapters, and has since gone on to finish all seventeen!  That will be no big thing for most people, but for a 14-year-old boy who was labeled dyslexic and to whom reading seemed a form of punishment, it was cause to bring out the champagne!

It has been with some difficulty that I have left Benjamin to his own devices for a good part of each day, but I really do believe that it is the best thing to do.  He has begun to show a real interest in the garden we planted, and spends a good deal of time at the computer.  His great interest in guns prompted learning about trajectory, caliber, the make-up of ammunition, and a five-hour safety class which he sat through with rapt attention.  Aside from these things he is, as all homeschoolers are, able to learn first-hand what his parents do all day.  Benjamin is the envy of all his friends, while I have the undeserved admiration of all of mine, for no matter how I try to dissuade them they insist on picturing me with a blackboard and a pointer.  How deeply ingrained is our feeling that someone must teach us for us to learn!

COLLEGE ADMISSIONS:  A GUIDE FOR HOMESCHOOLERS
by Judy Gelner

Long time homeschooler Judy Gelner, introducing her book College Admissions:  A Guide for Homeschoolers, writes:

There are many worthwhile and satisfying paths to choose in life and college is only the first step on one path.  This book is a guide for those homeschoolers who may wonder what lies ahead if they do choose to go to college and for those homeschoolers who have already decided that college will be useful for them and need some help in following the college admissions maze.

My credentials are simple.  I helped my son, Kendall, work his way through the college admissions tests, forms, and deadlines all without a high school guidance office, accredited diploma or a lot of the “objective measurements” that most high school students present to a college.

Like so many of the homeschoolers who write to GWS, Judy Gelner speaks clearly and honestly from her own experience, making her story useful both to the groups she mentions and to those readers who have no immediate plans to go to college (or to help someone get ready to go) but are interested in how one family presented a nontraditional, self-directed education in a way that was understandable and acceptable to traditional institutions.  Here, for example, are excerpts from the letter Judy wrote to explain why Kendall could not include a traditional transcript in his applications:

Trust is at the heart of our home-schooling experience…  Now we are asking you to trust us.  We are giving you a form saying that we have covered all the courses which you require of incoming students.  We do believe that we have covered at least as much, if not more than the required coursework.  But besides the SAT and Achievement Test scores, we do not have other objective evidence to prove what we have accomplished.

The decision to follow a “no grade” path for kendall’s high school years was made with the knowledge that there was some risk involved.  But the decision was deliberate and made after careful consideration of how he could best learn at that stage of his life…

And, from the Counselor Recommendation:

For the last six years Kendall has been learning at home rather than in the school setting which most of your applicants come from.  So, I am Kendall’s counselor, teacher, the director of our school and also his mother.  I can hardly pretend to be unbiased or objective, nor do I have the kinds of comparisons to make with other students that a counselor might be able to make.  But I do believe that I can supply you with information to help learn about Kendall so that you can see if his talents and characteristics match the characteristics of your institution.

Homeschoolers whose educations have been similar to Kendall’s may at some point find themselves, for any one of a number of reasons, in need of a simple way of explaining the premises of what they’ve been doing.  The Gelners offer a helpful model of how to do this without sounding apologetic or inadequate.  Certainly the decision to apply for admission to college involves compromises for the homeschooler - Kendall had to take the usual tests and fill out the usual forms - but the Gelners seem to have found a way to do this without losing their integrity or pride in an atypical form of education.

The first part of College Admissions is a diary of the family’s experiences with the admissions process during Kendall’s last year at home.  The second part of the book gives useful information about the required tests, the admissions process in general, and financial aid, with lists of places to get further information.  Judy Gelner is not the only one who can tell you how to register for the SAT or fill out an application, but she’s the only one who has yet done so in a friendly guide addressed specifically to homeschoolers.  Her book is a welcome addition to the available homeschooling literature.
–Susannah Sheffer

AMERICAN HEROES:  In and Out of School
by Nat Hentoff)

This book is about kids - mostly teenagers - who have stood up for their rights in one way or another, and some adults who were fighting for kids’ rights or some other rights.  Among the rights the people in the book fought for are Freedom of Speech, Freedom of the Press, the right to privacy, religious rights, and the right to read.

It was exciting to know that some kids aren’t just going to let their principals or teachers tell them what they can or cannot do, and that they are doing something about it.

All of the kids in the book are in school, so when the title says “in and out of school” I guess it means the adults who are out of school, like the librarians who are fighting for the right to read, etc.

A lot of the book was against school, because, as it says in the book, “What’s the point of reading about the Bill of Rights and other American freedoms in schoolbooks if they are not permitted to come alive in schoolrooms?”  Teachers are teaching their students about rights and then not letting them do something that they have the right to do, such as print what they want in the school paper, or not salute the American flag if they don’t want to.  That’s what happened to a girl in the book named Susan Shapiro, who said she didn’t want to stand up to the flag because it “was just a symbol, a piece of cloth.”  She said it was the people of America that mattered, not the symbols.

The author states the facts about what happened in each case, like a newspaper article.  The book is divided into chapters, which are short and not very deep, also like a newspaper.  But they were clear and interesting, and also informative.
–Anne Brosnan

Anne’s mother, Claudia Brosnan, adds:

The heart of American Heroes is in this quote:  “…liberty is indivisible.  If it doesn’t belong to everyone, even people you despise, it isn’t secure for anyone.  Including you.”  The editor of the high school paper who wins his suit against censorship but is reviled by his peers has learned that lesson.  He says the freedom he has won “includes even the right of students to burn our newspaper if they want to.”

After reading this book I was left with mixed feelings about the state of our Constitutional rights.  Some brave people stood up for their rights; even more people tried to trample them down.  Some things I naively assumed were true (that corporal punishment was not allowed in schools and that students had Fourth Amendment rights the same as everyone) turn out not to be true at all.

This short book gets your attention and raises interest in rights issues.  I intend to look up the books listed in the bibliography.

SIBLINGS WITHOUT RIVALRY
by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

I used to spend two mornings a week at Open Connections, the family resource center run by GWS readers Peter Bergson and Susan Shilcock, and I remember something that happened one morning that taught me about how adults can help children solve certain kinds of conflicts.  Two children, each about five years old, were working at the lab table, experimenting with test tubes filled with colored water.  Suddenly there were obvious sounds of conflict.  Susan waked over to the table and, seeing that the children were struggling over the same piece of equipment, asked one of them, “D., what do you want?”

“The test tube with the blue water in it,” he told her.

“A., what do you want?”  Susan asked, turning to the other child.

“The test tube with the blue water in it.”
Susan waited.  After a minute the first child said reluctantly, “I guess A. can use it after I’m finished.”

“Can you give her an idea of when you’ll be finished?”  Susan asked him.

“In about five minutes.”

“Is that OK with you, A.?”  Susan asked the second child, who nodded, and that was all.  Susan had not given the children the solution to their problem.  She hadn’t allowed herself, the adult, to be the final arbiter, the person to whom the children had to appeal for justice.  After helping the children to lay the problem on the table, so to speak, she had appealed to their ability to figure out what to do about two children who wanted to use the same material at the same time.

This is precisely the premise of Siblings Without Rivalry.  Several GWS issues ago we ran some letters about sibling conflicts, and in response quite a few parents told us how helpful Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish’s book had been to them.  Whenever that many GWS readers tell us about something, we figure it’s worth investigating.
The book grew out of the authors’ workshops on sibling rivalry, and much of it is written like an actual transcript of the workshop sessions.  We get to hear many different parents talking about what goes on in their families, and discussing how well the authors’ proposals worked (the structure of the workshops seems to have been that the group would discuss a particular aspect of sibling rivalry each week, try out the groups’ suggestions at home, and then report back the following week.)

I can imagine all sorts of books on sibling rivalry that I would not like, but this one has in its favor its ability to acknowledge the complexity of the issue and its refusal to accept that constant fighting among siblings is inevitable, just part of how kids are.  It offers suggestions, often in the form of specific things that a parent might say, without implying that there are easy, formulaic solutions to problems of human interaction.  It doesn’t imply that anger and jealousy are incompatible with living comfortably together or even with enjoying each other.

It’s interesting to hear the parents talk about how far a simple acceptance of those negative feelings (as we usually think of them) can go toward freeing a child from them.  One mother told the authors this story:

I always sensed that Melissa (7) was a little jealous of her sister (3).  Not that she’s nasty to her.  She doesn’t hit her or anything.  She just sort of ignores her.  But it’s hard to tell with Melissa.  She’s not one to talk about what bothers her.  She’s a lot like me.

…When the little one was taking a nap, I asked Melissa to come sit on the couch with me.  I put my arm around her and said, “I’m glad we can be alone together, because I haven’t talked to just you in a long time.  I’ve been thinking - sometimes it must be a pain in the neck to have a younger sister.  You have to share everything with her, your room, your toys - even your mother.”

It was like a dam broke loose.  She couldn’t stop talking, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  She said such terrible things.  How much she hated her!  How she wished her dead sometimes.  I started to get sick to my stomach.  It was a good thing the phone rang, because I don’t know how much more I could have listened to.

That night when I went up to check on the kids, I thought I wasn’t seeing straight.  There were the two of them in one bed, sleeping with their arms around each other!

The authors comment:  “It seemed such a puzzling paradox.  Insisting upon good feelings between the children led to bad feelings.  Allowing for bad feelings between the children led to good feelings.  A circuitous route to sibling harmony.  And yet, the most direct.”

The book talks about the danger of comparing siblings, of fixing them in certain roles, of interpreting fairness too narrowly (thinking, for example, that if you give one child something you must always give the other the exact same thing).  The parents quoted in the book also reflect on their own childhoods and their own feelings as siblings.  There’s so much useful discussion her that I suspect the book would be valuable even for families who don’t experience sibling rivalry as an immediate problem. –SS

THE MAPMAKERS
by John Wilford

It is always a treat, I feel, to find a well-written book that brings a non-fiction subject to life.  This book, subtitled “The story of the great pioneers in cartography from antiquity to the space age,” tells the history of maps by focusing on the people who made them.  Mercator was a real person, for example, not just the name of a kind of map.  Mason and Dixon were people, too, sent from England to settle a boundary dispute in the colonies.  A family of Frenchmen mapped the entire country of France in exhaustive detail, crating the first series of topographical maps in the world.  One notable character is the grumbling, homesick Charles Preuss who was dragged around the American west by the dashing explorer Jon Charles Fremont because Fremont needed a good mapmaker.  And George Washington makes an appearance in the book, too.  Says the author:

No one could have been surprised, in the atmosphere of colonial Virginia, when young George Washington decided on surveying as his first profession.  Land was the way to affluence and social position, and where there was land to be claimed, parceled, and settled, there had to be surveyors…  Though he had little formal education, Washington acquired a knowledge of arithmetic, or ciphering as it was called, and the elements of surveying…  When he was only thirteen years old, Washington found some surveying instruments that had belonged to his father…and began running lines at his home and the neighboring plantations…

By translating what might be dry and technical into the personal, the book succeeds in conveying the painstaking, bitterly slow work behind something we take for granted - the map.  Sometimes a new invention or a flash of genius caused a major improvement in the way maps were done, and occasionally physical courage was called for, braving mountain peaks and unknown seas, but mostly it’s just a lot of hard work.

One weakness of the book is a shortage of illustrations - surprising in a discussion of a subject that is so visual.  In several places I knew that one good diagram could have replaced many words, such as in the story of how Eratosthenes of Egypt calculated the size of the globe in 240 B.C.  But I have seen that diagram, and others that would be useful in other parts of the book, in encyclopedias, atlases, and other reference books, so I am sure that if you are confused you could benefit by consulting such works.

The book, I think unwittingly, raises some serious questions about the implications of mapmaking.  Wilford follows the stereotypical history line - Babylon, Egypt, Greece, Rome, medieval and Renaissance Europe, America.  He says in the opening that the Chinese were making topographical maps in the second century B.C., but that’s all we hear about them.  It appears that better maps encourage the holders of those maps to invade other territories, yet the book gives only the slightest nod to the existing inhabitants of the area.  One native American chief protests, “We do not understand measuring out the lands - it is all ours…  Brothers, you seem to grow proud because you have thrown down the king of England.”  Maps are needed to buy and sell land, to make roads, dams, and all manner of “improvements.”  Does curiosity, so healthy a feeling, inevitably lead to development, over-development, and destruction?  I would say that maps are a tool that can be used for good or ill, and it is up to us to determine how they are used.  What I am challenging here is the sense that “progress” is good and inevitable, which I think Wilford unconsciously supports by his selection of what history to tell.
¾Donna Richoux

FOCUS: WHAT TEENAGERS WANT FROM ADULTS

We asked several teenage GWS readers to tell us what they want from adults, and how they think adults can be most helpful to them.  In our letter to these teenagers, we asked, “Do you find yourself wanting help in navigating the adult world?  Help in finding opportunities to do what you want to do?  Help in finding adults besides your parents to work with?  Do you find yourself wanting privacy?  Sympathy?  Tales of adults’ own experiences?”  The writers who have contributed to this Focus range in age from almost-13 to almost-18.

DOESN’T HAVE TO ASK FOR HELP

From Chelsea Chapman (AK):

What I really want most from the adult world is respect.  I would like people to really listen to my ideas and thoughts.  But that’s not hard around here because I have found that in Alaska people seem to accept homeschooling and kids in general very well.  Maybe the
reason for this is that many kids just can’t go to school because of the cold in winter or because they live too far away.  A lot of people only go into town once every three weeks.

Especially in our circle of friends, I am listened to and understood.  People seem to want to hear my ideas and treat me as an equal.  Many people have offered to help me with my writing and other things I’m interested in.  For example, one woman I know offered to help me write a play to enter in the statewide Children’s Playwright
contest.

One of my main interests is horsemanship/riding.  I have found that in the horse world, Alaskan anyway, you don’t often have to ask for help.  If someone thinks that you or your horse need it, they give it whether you like it or not!

Many people help me in daily life, too.  When it gets gold, I mean really cold (-40 F), my mom can’t take my baby brother into town, so our neighbor takes me shopping and to lunch.  Also, in cold weather, my sister and I help our neighbor with her llamas and, sometimes, she takes us to the symphony.

If I need help sewing something, another friend of ours lets us use her sewing machine.  Last summer, she helped my sister, brother, and me make a patchwork baby quilt for our new brother.

So, really, I don’t ask for help from the adult world.  It just comes on its own.

PARENTS HELP YOUNG ARTIST

From Carey Newman (BC):

I am 14, and right now I am working towards becoming a
full-time artist.  My parents have played a big part in my progress up to now.

When I was 12 my Dad asked the Sooke Museum about me having a solo show of my wildlife sketches in their gallery.  The museum approved and said that I could have a show during December 1987 and January 1988.  A lot of my time during the months before the show was spent preparing for the opening night, which close to ninety people attended.  Through the next two months over half my drawings sold.  I thank my mom and dad for pushing me to get everything ready for that
show.

In February of 1988, I started working on Northwest Coast Indian art.  My dad, an Indian artist himself, was very helpful in showing me the rules of Indian design.  Soon after, my father received an application form for the Sooke Fine Arts Show, a juried show that takes place in Sooke every year.  Jokingly, I said that I should enter
my Indian designs and silk-screen-print them.  My parents turned it from joke to matter and said that I should try.  They supported me financially by lending me the money to enter the show, and to buy silkscreening material.  An artist friend of mine helped me to do the silkscreening.  Two of my designs were accepted and I went on to sell
fifty-nine prints over a period of ten days, bringing in just over $2000, from which I paid back my parents and bought more equipment and supplies to continue with this art form.

My mom later found out about the Okanagan Summer School of the Arts, got the application form, helped me apply for a bursary to cover expenses, and assisted me in composing a letter with samples of my work so that I could get accepted into a course that didn’t normally accept anyone under 16.

I have taken piano and theory lessons for ten years.  While I don’t plan to become a professional musician, I have reached a level such that I could work at it if I decided to.  My mom has encouraged me to write piano and theory exams before quitting lessons for the purpose of using these certificates as a stepping stones to get into the field of music if I were to choose to do so at some future date.

Someday I want to go to university.  Because I won’t have a high school diploma I’ll have to find some other way of getting in. My mom has already found out that I can get into a nearby college in the fine arts program by writing and passing a Grade 12 English assessment and presenting a satisfactory portfolio of about twenty-five pieces of my art work.  After a two-year course at that college I could transfer to third year at the University of Victoria.  This is what I think I want to do in a few years.
I think that adults can help me most by teaching me what they know and by supporting me in what I want to do.

WHY SHOULD WE RESPECT OURSELVES?

From Yaron Goldman (IL):

When adults treat me as inferior, immature, etc., it really bugs me.  I expect people to treat me with respect, regardless of how much older they are than me.  Of course, I am obliged to treat them with respect as well.  A far as parents are concerned, I feel I owe them a lot of gratitude for raising me, supporting me, and so forth. Therefore I should avoid contradicting them and giving them a hard
time.  However, this doesn’t mean they have a license to lord it over me.

A good example of how I feed adults should treat teenagers is the teacher of a construction class which I take at a junior high (even as I home school).  Although he does work in a school, grades work, and has other shortcomings, his class is, in my opinion, more representative of John Holt’s ideas than any other in the school.

As students, we may walk, talk, or use tools freely.  He expects us to act responsibly (which, in my opinion, is very good), doesn’t overuse his authority, and talks to us as equals (we treat him the same).  If he breaks a safety rule, he expects us to alert him, just as he would alert us.  As far as grades are concerned, he is very objective, and always explains his reasons for the grade.  He also
refuses to grade our work unless we feel we did a good job, and if we feel we didn’t, he gives us a chance to correct it.

As adults have more experience than me, and have had more time to learn, I appreciate it when they take time to discuss things with me.  If, when we talk, they tread me as an equal, then I enjoy the conversation and usually gain a lot from it.  If, however, I am treated as an ignoramus, then three things happen.  I get annoyed (who wouldn’t?), I get frustrated (they don’t listen since I’m only 13 and couldn’t possibly have anything interesting to say), and on top of it all, I don’t gain anything because I can never get a decent response.

There are many other reasons why adults should respect
children and vice versa, but I couldn’t cover them all unless I was writing a boot.  The biggest reason that I can think of is this: If we are not respected, why should we respect ourselves?

“THEY DON’T CARE HOW OLD I AM”

From vita Wallace (NY):

When I turned 13, the thing that I worried about most was that I would suddenly be considered a confused and frivolous teenager, not a person but an adolescent (not a bad thing to be, but certainly associated with a lot of things that I’d rather not be associated with).  I was afraid I’d be considered too young for adult matters and too old to be a child.  Luckily, that has turned out not to be the case at all.  The adults who I like and whose opinions I care about have the good sense not to care how old (or young) I am, and simply respect me however much I deserve to be respected.

I am in a figure drawing class for adults, for instance, partly because I just couldn’t stand the idea of being in a class labeled “for teenagers.”  My mother called the teacher before the class began to see if it would be all right if I signed up for it.  He said that as long as I thought I could concentrate for two hours straight, I was welcome to try it.  No one there has ever asked me how old I am, and I don’t think they’d mind if they knew.

Another wonderful thing that has happened to me recently has been my involvement with a group of people who are starting a food co-op in Ithaca.  My mother was interested, so at first I just went to their meetings to be with her.  When they started to vote, however, I was amazed to find that they not only allowed me to vote, but they wanted me to vote.  Even then, I was so flabbergasted when they asked what committee I would like to be on that I didn’t know what to say.  A few weeks ago, when Iwas at a meeting without my mother, I got stuck during the introductions, because I didn’t know what to say I was.  Nancy’s daughter?  Someone who’s just interested?  Surely not a student?  I asked Nancy afterwards, and she asked one of the board members.  “Oh,” he said, “I thought she was on the personnel committee with you.”  It made me feel nice to know that I could say “personnel committee” after my name.

Because I still am not an adult, I’m still very conscious of the times when adults treat me like a human being.  I wish that I could take that for granted.

HARD TO GET PAST THE FRONT DESK

From Anna-Lisa Cox of Michigan:

I am 17, and until I became a part-time student at the local college a couple of years ago, I had been schooled at home all my life.  I see myself as pretty much being an adult, so the adults I find helpful are probably close to what anyone, as an adult, finds helpful in other people.

There is a popular belief held by most adults that teenagers are antisocial creatures for whom “responsibility” is a dirty word.  I’m sure there are teenagers like that out there, but I am not.  We have to work very hard to live down our negative image.

My main passion in life right now is, and has been for the last three years, social anthropology and history.  Antique clothing has been the context which brought these subjects alive for me.  I became interested in antique clothing when I was living in England for a year with my family.  I stumbled upon the Victoria and Albert Museum in London, which has one of the best costume collections in Europe.  I was instantly fascinated by it, and I determined to find out more about the subject.

Now, three years later, I have a large costume collection of my own (acquired through hours of rummaging through charity shops, garage sales, and local estate sales), which I use in historical fashion presentations for local clubs, churches, and businesses.  I am also the costume collection consultant for the local historical society.  I find what I do very exciting.  It’s wonderful to be able to help friends date their grandmother’s dress, or to teach them how to clean or preserve it.  Having come to this point on my own, I would now like to spend time with an adult who would be willing to share with me his or her knowledge about antique clothing and textiles.  It would be a dream come true to work at a museum with a costume collection and a curator who would be willing to share his or her time and talent with me.

It’s true that most major museums offer internships, but the ones they set up for teenagers are usually very mundane - being a cashier at the museum store, or running errands.  They only offer the specific kind of internship I am looking for to graduate students or professionals.  This is frustrating for me because I have come to the point in my studies of antique clothing where I am looking at a very specialized area, as specialized as any graduate student’s.  Yet because of my age I do not have a chance to work with someone willing to help me.

One way in which adults can be very helpful to young people is in opening doors.  Getting past the “front desk” is almost impossible for me.  All adults see is the number 17, and they slam the door in my face.  It’s not fair that I’m not even given the chance to prove myself.  I know that if an  adult fiend of mine had not recommended my fashion show to her friends I would not have been able to start.  Now that I’m somewhat well-known in my area, I have no problem advertising myself, but in the beginning I needed the word of an adult.

Even now, I am in a situation that is very tricky.  About a month ago I offered to help the local historical society with their costume collection.  I talked with their director, who was more than happy to have me be their advisor, but he doesn’t know how old I am.  He assumed that I had graduated from college, because he asked me what I did for a living.  I said something about my fashion shows and that seemed to satisfy him.  I really dread the moment that I will have to tell him how old I am.  Will he be angry?  Will he kick me out?  I sure hope not, but I don’t know.

Supportive experiences with adults have been extremely important to me.  When I was living in England I thought of an idea for earrings using magnets.  I didn’t know where to get magnets strong enough, so I asked a family friend, David.  He is an astrophysicist at Oxford whom we got to know through correspondence with another of his friends who’s about my age.  David told me what kind of magnets to use, but he said he wasn’t sure if I would be able to find any, and even if I could, whether they would work or not.  The next thing I knew, a package arrived in the mail for me, from David, with two of the types of magnets I had been looking for, which he had pried out of an old Walkman headset.  Amazingly enough the magnets worked, and both David and I were very pleased.

Later on, when I was visiting California, I went to the patent library in Santa Clara and found that a company in Rhode Island had patented magnetic earrings in the 1960’s.  I was still proud of myself, though, because I knew that for all intents and purposes I had invented the earrings.  But without David’s help and encouragement , I would never have been able to find out if my invention worked.  Even though David is a theoretical astrophysicist, he felt that my ideas were important and worthwhile, and he never made me feel that he was talking down to me.

I especially enjoy hearing adults tell their own stories.  One such opportunity I shall treasure for a long while was the time I spent with my elderly relatives in England.  They brought alive for me a way of life that I never realized existed, and that I soon discovered was fast disappearing in Britain.  They appreciated my interest as much as I appreciated their stories.  Hearing from them about the history of Britain in the twentieth century  was better than reading a hundred textbooks.

RECOGNITION FOR KNOWLEDGE AND ABILITIES

From Jeremiah Gingold (CA):

Even though I am not going to be a teenager until this summer, I am already recognizing some of the things that I am going to need from adults as I grow older.  The main thing that has helped me to realize my needs as an “almost teen” has been being in Boy Scouts.  I have now been in Boy Scouts for a year and over that time I have learned a lot about what it is going to take to be an independent, responsible person, and what I’m going to need from adults so that I can learn to be that kind of person.  In Boy Scouts every month I go on camping and hiking trips that my parents don’t usually go on, so I have had to learn to fend for myself.

I think that I need adults to let me make my own decisions and mistakes.  I don’t (yet) shun my parents; I still need them to be there for me when I need them.

Another thing about Boy Scouts is the recognition that I get for my knowledge and abilities.  I think that I need more recognition as a human being from adults.  I have longish hair and grownups are constantly mistaking me for a girl.  I think that a lot of grownups unconsciously don’t really think of kids as being on the same level of humanity; therefore they tend to stereotype kids by such attributes as their hair, face, etc.  So, above all, I think I need to be recognized as a diverse human being.

BEING ACCEPTED IN COMMUNITY THEATRE

From Emma Roberts (MA):

I always want adults’ friendship.  I like to be friends with adults just as much as with kids.  I feel that I learn a lot from my relationships with adults.  For instance, just listening to their conversations, it interests me to hear what happened to them when they were my age or what life was like when they were young.  I also feel I can ask questions of adults.  My mom and dad always talk about England.  I have been there twice and I always ask questions about life there.  My dad was born in England and grew up there, so I love to hear about his childhood.  I learn more about people by listening to their stories.  There is an 80-something-year-old lady in my town who is full of stories about when she was young.  She was taught at home for a while and I always learn something new about my town or her life when I see her.

I love to work with adults, too.  I act a  lot in our local community theatre, and I get a lot of experience working with adults in theatre.  This past March I was in Brighton Beach Memoirs.  I was the only kid under 16 in the cast.  Being with all those adults really gave me a professional feeling.  The adults were so serious and fifty kids weren’t running around making noise.  I felt that the play was more realistic than a bunch of kids on stage standing around waiting to say their lines.  When I am in a play with other kids I want to hang around and play with the other kids and not really watch the play  and pay attention.  That is nice too, but I don’t feel professional.

I’m currently in The Velveteen Rabbit with my mom.  This isn’t as good an experience.  There are only five adults, counting my mom, and about fifty kids.  I don’t have relationships with many of these adults, so I haven’t really gotten anything from them like I did in Brighton Beach.
From all adults I just want to be treated as an equal, and accepted by them even if I’m a kid.  Acting with adults is a good way for this to happen, because we’re all working together.

SECURITY GUARD IS UNFAIR

From Robert Kent (TX):

The only thing I want from adults is to be treated fairly, with respect.  There is a security guard at the local Safeway.  I go there to read Radio Electronics fairly often, and when I do the guard paces back and forth in front of me, and gives me the evil eye.  I notice, however, that he ignores the adults in the corner hunched over Mad Magazine and swimsuit tabloids.  I think that this is extremely unfair.  Why am I, reading perfectly socially acceptable and informative material, picked out for his loathsome and cynical attentions?

DEPENDS ON HOW THEY LOOK AT YOUNG PEOPLE

From Kim Kopel (MO):

Adults have become important in my life first by being my friends, treating me as an equal.  And in getting to know each one, I learned of skills and experiences they could offer that interested me.

When I have had to seek out instruction from adults, I have found it most successful when it was easy to strike up a friendship with them, which has mainly depended on how the person looked at young people.  I haven’t always made friends with adults right away.  For example, I had long had an interest in learning to weave.  One day I attended an open house at a local shop that offered weaving lessons, with my mother and my younger brothers and sisters.  As we explored the weaving room with all its equipment and supplies, we were enthusiastically greeted by the director of the weaving program, who was thrilled to learn of my interest in weaving and eager to sign me up for classes.  Needless to say, I was ecstatic.  However, when I met the instructor after having signed up for six weeks of classes, she quickly informed me that her only other experience with teaching anyone other than an adult (I was 12 then) was unsatisfactory and unsuccessful.

In spite of her reluctance, I decided to go ahead with the lessons, giving her the benefit of the doubt (which I hoped she would also give me!).  As it turned out, by the end of the first lesson she was more than satisfied that her instruction would not be wasted on me, and by the end of the six weeks she was bragging to other weaving instructors about her twelve-year-old student who was able to weave as quickly and skillfully as any of her adult students after six weeks of instruction.  What made the experience successful for me was that she became my friend, and to me that was as important as finding an instructor or learning to weave.  Although she has since moved from the area, we keep in touch, and whenever she’s in town we like to get together.

Another example is the friendship that has developed between my family and our neighbors who recently retired and are now traveling in Europe.  Because of our friendship and their knowledge of my interest in people and other countries, they have corresponded regularly with me throughout their travels.  Besides pages of descriptions of the people and places they have seen, they have sent pictures and postcards, which are better and more interesting than any social studies, history, or geography textbooks.

My grandfather is another adult who provides me with ideas, information and enthusiasm from his own interests.  He reads a lot, and enjoys stamp collecting, keeping up on current events and politics, photography, learning other languages, family and world history, listening to all types of music, and working on crossword puzzles.  Because he doesn’t consider me of lower intelligence, he includes me in conversations about all these things.  He’s helpful to me simply by being himself with me.

I also appreciate the opportunity some adults have given me to participate in the adult world as an equal.  For instance, when I visit my grandmother, who manages a cafeteria for the telephone company, she is eager to include me I any of the work that needs to be done in the cafeteria that I can be part of.  One side benefit of this has been seeing how favorably adults respond to young people at work in their world.  Besides learning how the cafeteria operates, I’ve learned that being able to work with people is at least as important as the skill of physically managing to serve two hot meals a day to hundreds of people.

Another adult who is helping me is Susannah Sheffer.  By sharing her skills and experience in writing, she is helping me develop and improve my own writing.  Because Susannah treats me as an equal, and answers all my questions openly, honestly, and respectfully, I feel comfortable showing her my writing without being concerned that my thoughts or ideas or my manner of expressing myself will be put down or disregarded.  Susannah understands that writing requires sincerity and sensitivity on the part of the reader.  She offers me the opportunity to express myself without fear of rejection and at the same time offers meaningful suggestions for improving my writing.

I don’t feel any differently toward adults now, at 14, than I ever have.  Being a teenager has not changed my feelings toward adults - I still feel that everyone is a human being, and some human beings have more experience than others.  Whether or not someone was helpful to me  has always depended on how they treated me.

WE HAD TO PROVE OURSELVES

From Amanda Bergson-Shilcock (PA):

I think teenagers want to be treated as the age they are - they don’t want to be treated as if they’re grown up and have too much responsibility, and they also don’t want to be treated like an 8 year old because they’re ready for more responsibility that that.  Teenagers also want adults to be sympathetic to when they want to be alone, and when they need to talk over a problem they want to know that they have someone who is willing to listen.  I think that teenagers sometimes want more attention and time than adults are willing to give, and sometimes teenagers are willing to give more than the adults expect or want.  Sometimes they’re helpful at the wrong times, for example.  But this is true of everyone.

Teenagers want to be able to have their own friendships without people saying, “Why don’t you make friends with this girl, we’re friends with her parents,” or something like that.  I don’t like to feel that I should (or should not) like somebody.

One recent example I’ve had of being accepted by adults is at a spinning course.  The course was for adults only, but my mom had told me and my younger sister about it and we said we were interested in taking it, so she called in and asked if we could.  The people told her that the course involves a lot more than just learning how to use a spinning wheel.  The teacher also lectures about things related to spinning, and they weren’t sure that we would be able to listen to the lectures.  My mom told them that she would come with us and help us out.

WE didn’t love the course the first week - everybody was sort of unsure of themselves at first - but after that we got more comfortable and it got better.  We learned how to use the drop spindle, and about carding wool, and a whole lot of other stuff, and then we went on to learn how to use the spinning wheel.  We really enjoyed and appreciated the fact that everybody in the group accepted us, as if we belonged there.  At the same time, I think it was a little unfair that the course was open to adults only, so any adult could get in, but we had to prove ourselves.

I think that if an adult shows a teenager respect and consideration, the teenager will respond by being able to take on more responsibility.  I really think it’s a two-way thing.  If you keep saying, “Oh, my teenager’s such a handful, I’m having such trouble,” you can’t expect your teenager to do helpful things for you in return.

TREATED AS AN EQUAL BY GERMAN TEACHER
From Shari Bromfield of Pennsylvania:

Basically, I want to be respected by adults.  A great example of an adult who treats me with respect is my German teacher.  She has never acted like she has to stoop to my level or talk down to me.  We decide together how much I will study between lessons.  She has always treated me like an equal.  That is how I hop all adults will treat me.

LEARN TO COMMUNICATE WITH ALL TYPES

From Michelle Edwards of Minnesota:

I’m 17, and for the past eight months have been attending Hennepin Technical Institute here in Minnesota, working toward a degree in Commercial Photography.  I graduated high school when I was 16 (I was homeschooled for 11th and 12th grades) and a month later I started at Hennepin Tech.  There is a wide age range in my class, from me at 17 to a man in his forties.  I’ve told various people at school how old I am and you wouldn’t believe how surprised they are.  I get treated with a lot of respect from my teachers and other adults at school because I act in a mature and responsible way.  This is how you should act by the time you get to be 17, I think.

The adults that have helped me most in my life are my parents.  They help me as much as they can but also expect me to stand on my own two feet and do things for myself as much as possible.  If they don’t know an answer to a question I have, we find someone who does.  My sister Leonie (15, also homeschooled) and I have always had responsibilities at home which I think has helped prepare me for taking on responsibilities at college.  One thing you are never taught in school is to think for yourself.  The teacher does the thinking and you must do as he or she says without question.  I’ve found that college is very different in that most students there are adults and are obviously treated as such.

I think the best way to be treated as an adult by other adults is to learn to communicate well with all types of people and people of all different ages.  This is another thing you are never taught to do in school.  I think homeschoolers have a better chance to learn to communicate well at an earlier age because they are with a better mix of people.

ARE RESPECT AND CIVILITY TOO MUCH TO ASK?

From Stephanie Bromfield of Pennsylvania:

I don’t want to be treated differently by adults just because I’m a teenager.  I don’t want extra help or sympathy.  I don’t want someone to take me by the hand and show me how the world works.  I think everyone needs to learn that on their own.  All I really want from adults is respect and civility.

However, it seems that respect and civility are too much to ask from some people.  A good example would be my first employers.  They were a couple in their late 50’s who owned and operated a fast food restaurant just up the road from our home.  I worked for them for three days in March of last year.  I felt I was ready for some extra responsibility, and I thought some extra money would be nice, too.  I was excited about being employed for the first time and I was determined to do a good job.  But I was soon disappointed.  It became clear that while my employers wanted new help, they were too impatient to teach me how to do my job.  They constantly complained to me about the inconvenience of training someone new, and made me feel like a burden instead of a help.

I worked three hours each day during their busiest hours.  These three days were supposed to be my training.  By the third day I was supposed to be able to do everything.  I was told that I would be running the restaurant alone by summertime.  My employers’ attitude implied that they were doing me a favor by employing me.  The truth was that there were plenty of jobs available and they were having a hard time finding people to work for them.

They would tell me or show me how to do something only once.  I asked them to repeat some instructions, but they refused.  Since they resented having to teach me how to do my job, I tried to do as much work as I could without asking for instructions.  But they insisted I do everything a certain, precise way, so when I did things on my own, like throwing out plastic bags, I was yelled at for not knowing that they saved them.

They yelled at me in front of customers, and had conversations while I was in the room about how stupid they thought I was.  In short, they did everything they could to wreck my self-esteem.  Fortunately, because of similar experiences in public school, I realized how important self-esteem is, and I quit.  I respected myself too much to subject myself to that kind of mistreatment.
But it was because of this rather unpleasant experience that I realized what I want from adults is respect.  I treated my employers with respect and civility all the while I worked for them.  I don’t think it was too much to ask to be treated the same way.

TEENAGERS DOING REAL WORK

REFINISHING A HOUSE¾A WORKCAMP PROJECT

Beth Kaseman (WI) writes:

I’ve grown up reading GWS, to my great benefit.  I’m so glad GWS was there when I started homeschooling ten years ago, because not much else was.  Over the years I have felt like one of a very, very small number of homeschoolers.  But despite the lack of close friends nearby (I have a number of good friends scattered all over the world, just not around here), I am glad I only went to kindergarten and first grade.  After I left the institution, I hit the road toward freedom, maturity, and an interesting (in all kinds of ways - good and bad) life.

As I look at myself now, at 17, I realize just how lucky I am to have been homeschooling all these years.  It has opened so many doors of opportunity for me.  I’m so glad to see the number of homeschoolers increasing - it’s a great way to grow up!

Last summer I spent three weeks in New Hampshire on a Service Civil International workcamp (SCI is an organization working toward peace through international understanding).  I wanted to do something for peace, and at the same time meet people who shared my ideals and concerns and from whom I could learn.  I also wanted to explore a different part of the country and to spend time away from my loving family, in order to grow.  It was a great way for me to be independent without needing to spend a lot of money (I had to pay for my plane ticket, but after that SCI had raised enough money for food, supplies, and a little entertainment) or having my mother worrying about my safety (too much).

An SCI workcamp usually is a service project for a community group in need of support and labor.  In this camp we were refinishing the outside of a house for unwed teenage mothers.  The house is owned by an organization called Hannah House.  The house itself has space for six mothers and their babies to live until the baby is nine months old.  It also has a daycare room and an outreach program for a hundred teen parents in Vermont and New Hampshire.  Hannah House had some money for refinishing, but not enough for all the painting, etc. that needed to be done.  So, SCI provided the labor.

The camp wasn’t all work.  One advantage to painting, etc. is that after seven to eight hours of hard labor, you can walk away and easily forget it, thus leaving time for other things.  In our case we spent our after-hours and weekends traveling and exploring the community we were living in.  We also spent a lot of time on our “study project” - mediation.  Two trained mediators helped us discuss and role-play different situations.  Our group consisted of fourteen people from five countries, and the role-play brought out significant national differences.  For example, when we were acting out a scene where two housemates were disputing the distribution of labor in their household, we found that the term “housemates” meant simply sharing living space to Americans, but to the Europeans it meant sharing in a much more communal way.

The relationships within the group were a lot deeper than I had expected.  We all came from different backgrounds, and everything down to our ages (18 months - there were three children with their mothers - to 41 years) was widely spread over the spectrum.  I was the youngest of the people there without a parent.  (That in itself was something new for me.  I’m the oldest of four and very used to it.)  I really enjoyed it because we all treated each other as equals rather than letting the ages bother or divide us.  I was the only homeschooler, but both of the other 17 year olds accepted this, unlike a lot of other school kids my age.  I think they didn’t feel threatened by me (not that I appear threatening; I just think that a lot of “typical” teenagers feel insecure and consequently threatened by peers who are different).  The rest of the group seemed not to let my homeschooling background have any effect on their view of me, except for two people who did seem to judge me somewhat.  But they soon appeared to feel that I could stand on my own two feet, and quit bringing it up.

Going into the workcamp, I hadn’t been sure what to expect.  But I was feeling restless, so I struck out on adventure that turned out to be a total success.  I would have preferred to stay longer, but SCI camps usually run two to three weeks, and I had never been away from home for more than a week at a time before that.

For more information about SCI, write:  SCI USA, Inisfree Village, Rt 2 Box 506, Crozet VA 22932.

RESPONSE

Diana: We’ve held meetings in our family, but not for many years. It didn’t seem to work out very well - the meetings seemed to go on and on, and we never really seemed to decide things well.

Olivia: I always considered them rather boring. I’d rather talk to my parents one at a time, or both of them at the dinner table, like Emma said. And we have so many different people to contend with - there’s always a baby crying - so it’s hard to concentrate in a meeting.

Diana: In our family when a decision needs to be made it tends to be brought up around the dinner table, because that’s when we’re all together. I guess some people might consider that a meeting, but it’s more of an informal thing.

Olivia: I find myself talking about things when I feel like it, when the person I want to talk to is there.

Diana: I know that I make a point of bringing things up in front of the whole family. If I want to talk about something that affects all of us, I won’t go and talk to my husband privately. I’ll bring it up at the dinner table so everyone can hear and give their opinion.

Olivia: I like that practice, because I feel like it gives me a lot of rights. I really hate it when my parents go and talk about something and then I have to hear the news secondhand, so to speak, because they usually don’t remember everything and I hear bits and pieces. It’s just not as interesting, and I tend to feel left out when they do that.

I wanted to comment on what Emma said about raising her hand. I don’t normally do that - I think it always seemed too schoolish to me. I like to wait until they’re done talking - well, I have been known to interrupt when they talk for too long, but normally I just wait until there’s a space in the conversation and then I’ll give my opinion.

Diana: I think sometimes Olivia doesn’t get heard because we’ll get upset with her and more or less tell her that we don’t want to hear what she has to say about something. This does happen when everyone’s angry.

Olivia: And I always feel resentful of that because I always want people to hear my opinions, whether they want to or not. That’s one of my problems, I think. I like to be able to express my own opinions about things, and I think that’s very important, for a child, especially. People usually assume that adults will have opinions but they don’t assume that children will.

Diana: Emma said that she’s never had to ask for anything important…

Olivia: I’ve had to ask for things I’ve really wanted, like staying overnight at a friend’s, and I’ve been told no, a lot of times, and been really devastated.

Diana: One thing we do that I think is important is we always try to explain why we’re saying no if we say no to something that Olivia wants to do.

Olivia: I think part of the reason you do that is I can’t abide being told no, for no reason.

Diana: I don’t think anyone can.

Olivia: I’ve talked to friends about it, and they say they can’t stand it when their parents just say, “Because,” and don’t explain why.

Diana: I never liked it when I was a child - and I don’t like it now, for that matter.

Olivia: When I first read what Emma said about her mother not allowing her to watch what she wants on TV, it sounded like me talking. I have the same problem. It’s usually me and my father and my younger sister Delia against my mom - we always want to watch things and she says they’re too violent.

Diana: I feel like I’m the one who has to be the watchdog about the TV. Everyone else wants to spend all their time in front of the TV, and I try not to watch too much because it tends to make me want to watch more -

Olivia: Well, I can agree with that.

Diana: But my objection to it isn’t so much the violence as it is that I think children should be actively doing things, and I think when children spend a lot of time watching they don’t do as many interesting things, and they fight more with each other. It’s as if they have all this nervous energy building up in them while they watch and then they have to let it out. This is sounding like we watch a lot of TV - actually, about an hour a day is the most we watch around here.

About Susannah’s question about Emma feeling outnumbered - I know that in our family we sometimes decide that Olivia must do something whether she likes it or not. What brings it to my mind right now is our new baby had some problems which meant that I needed to spend a lot of extra time with him, and I needed some help from Olivia. She didn’t really want to do some of the things that I asked her to do, and I told her she had to. I think she’s bee good about it, but maybe you’d like to comment on that, Olivia.

Olivia: Well, most of the things I didn’t have too much problem with. I didn’t mind making breakfast, or watching Delia and Gabriel [the other children]. Sometimes I minded having to make lunch while watching them.

Diana: Do you have any comments on what Peggy and Emma said about reading romance novels?

Olivia: I’ve never read teenage romances, but I have read things like Nancy Drew books, and right now I’m reading The Babysitter’s Club series. I kind of like those books, if they have a good plot. But some of them that are really slow-moving, I don’t like.

Diana: I think it’s very important for children to be able to read all kinds of different books, so that they develop their own sense of taste. Olivia seems to pick very good books most of the time, so I don’t have a problem with her picking things that I would consider junky. I noticed that after reading a few Nancy Drew books she commented to me that there was a lot of similarity between them, and the people weren’t very realistic.

We’ve talked about this in terms of our friends. Olivia’s had some friends whose parents restricted what they read, and it seemed like it made the children want to read want to read the junky books even more. I’ve been really aware of that and haven’t wanted to get into that kind of situation with her.

Olivia: Susannah asked about rules. I usually don’t feel like I have too many rules. Sometimes I feel like I have a lot of rules, and then I’ll talk to one of my friends with really strict parents and I’ll feel like I hardly have any rules at all.

“A lot of times I didn’t want to talk about something and it was purely because I was embarrassed about it…”

Diana: I don’t like to restrict the children too much in their academic work - I let them choose what they’re going to do. But I have rules about bedtimes, when we eat our meals, keeping the house clean, having certain places for things so that when people need to use them they can find them.

Olivia: I can usually tell when my mom’s not going to agree with something I’m doing. Like Emma said, just from knowing her and from having gotten in trouble about things before, I can usually tell what I should or shouldn’t do. A lot of times I’ll really want to do something but I’ll sort of have a struggle with myself because I’ll know that it’s going to be frowned upon.

Diana: What do you think of Peggy’s story about wanting Emma to talk to her about something when Emma didn’t want to talk about it?

Olivia: I think I’ve had things like that happen, when I was really upset about something and didn’t talk about it because I didn’t think it was a good time - it would mess up the way I looked, or I was going to do something and wanted to be in a happy frame of mind.

Diana: There have been times when I’ve really wanted Olivia to talk about something with me, and she wouldn’t, and I didn’t know why. Sometimes it’s just that she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. I think I’ve gotten better about this in the last few years - I’m more patient and willing to wait until she is ready. Usually when I’ll do that she’ll come to me when she’s ready, and say so, and it’s better than if I try to force it out of her.

Olivia: A lot of times I didn’t want to talk about something and it was purely because I was embarrassed about whatever it was, and I was afraid my mother would get upset with me. I’ve had questions about private matters, especially, that I wanted to ask but was afraid to.

Diana: And did you ask?

Olivia: Usually I did. After a while I got myself to say something about it, or I’d figure out a way that wasn’t too embarrassing.

Diana: That makes me feel really good, because I know that when I was your age, Olivia, I used to feel that way with my mother, and usually I wouldn’t talk to her because I didn’t feel that comfortable. It’s always been one of my goals as a parent to have my children come and talk to me about things that bothered them.

Susannah asked if Peggy ever said she knew more about something and should make the decision about it. When Olivia was about 5, she wanted to go to school, and I told her that she couldn’t. She was upset, and my husband wasn’t as sure as I was that it was right to say no about school. He said, “Why don’t we let her try it and see what she thinks?” But then I pointed out to him that the law in Pennsylvania says that the compulsory school age is 8 unless you go to school before then. If you go before then, you have to deal with the school district if you want to homeschool. I didn’t want Olivia to be stuck in a situation of having to go to school. And I felt that there were certain decisions that she wasn’t old enough to make. Now, if she wanted to go, I would seriously consider allowing her to go. She’s almost 11, and she knows a whole lot more about what’s involved in going to school, so that if she did decide to go I would feel better about it.

Olivia: I remember wanting to go to school because al the other kids in my neighborhood were going off to kindergarten or first grade. I remember my father saying, “Wait ’til you’re 8, then you can go if you want to.” Then when I was 8, I was so happy that they didn’t send me to school. Every time I think about it now I really count my blessings that I have my parents for parents, because now, I would never want to go to school.

Diana: I wanted to add that I really liked Emma’s idea of suggesting that they do something different that’s still math. I think I may suggest this to Olivia in the future.

Olivia: When I heard that idea it sounded like something that might really work for me. I have trouble with math sometimes because I’m good with my hands, and with hearing, but it’s hard for me to learn math by just looking at numbers in a workbook. A lot of times I’ll do that and then get totally frustrated, because I won’t think that maybe I could try doing the thing another way. So I think I should keep that in mind.

RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS

MATH SOFTWARE
Mikell Billoki of Ontario writes:

In response to Mary Freed’s query in GWS #66 about computer programs for advanced math:

As a reviewer of educational software, I’ve looked at quite a few math programs, and the best ones I’ve seen in this category are from Sunburst Communications, 39 Washington Av, Pleasantville, NY 10570-2898; 800-431-1934. I recommend that families write or call for their catalog and have a look at what they offer. All programs may be previewed for thirty days and come with a lifetime warranty. All programs are for use with Apple computers and most for IBM and Commodore as well.

The value in many of the Sunburst programs is that they take math beyond working with operations and in some cases even beyond working with numbers. Problem-solving, inference, logic, estimating, and predicting are the essence of these programs, and those who love math know that these are what math is all about. Those who don’t like math may be convinced it can be fun and challenging by using programs that take it beyond drill and practice.

GETTING SCHOOL RECORDS

If you are having trouble getting a child’s records from a former (or current) school, you should know that the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act says that school records must be made available to parents if they request them. For more information, write: Student and Family Education Rights and Privacy Act Office, U.S. Department of Education, Room 3021, Federal Office building 6, Washington, DC 20202.

TEEN-TO-TEEN OUTREACH

Gretchen Robinson of the NATIONAL HOMESCHOOL ASSOCIATION (PO Box 167, Rodeo NM 88056; 505-557-2250) writes:

Our newest program, the Teen-to-Teen Outreach Program, came into being when the Shultises [founders of the NHA] visited Pat Montgomery of Clonlara a few weeks ago. Pat observed that there are a great many runaways and “throwaway” kids out there - kids who, for some reason or another, have run away from or been kicked out of their homes. There are many reasons for their plight: abuse, economic hardship, behavior and discipline problems ranging from teen pregnancy and drug abuse to differences of opinion about philosophy, religion, lifestyle, etc.

Pat suggested that there could be many ways in which homeschooling families and/or students could help these children by a) giving them an advocate - someone to turn to (besides Social Services which, if they do anything, often do more harm than good), and b) helping them to earn a high school diploma through nontraditional channels.

…The way in which the family would go about this would be totally up to the family. Possibilities are: passing the teenager from house to house; renting or donating an extra room in their house or otherwise helping to find cheap or free housing; offering a job; perhaps even helping to effect a reconciliation with the teenager’s family. At any rate, the teenager would have a viable option to living on the street. As for obtaining the high school diploma, this could be done through “homeschooler-friendly” institutions that give academic credit for life and work experience in addition to whatever traditional academic work the child may have done - examples are Clonlara Home Based Education Program, GED or CLEP testing, and any number of private homeschool-based “schools without walls” that exist within the homeschooling community.

Here’s how NHA would help: Networking for families and homeschool organizations who are interested in participating in this program; raising funds to pay for tuitions; referral and resource center for legal information, helpful schools and social organizations; getting the word out to interested churches, social organizations, educational institutions, and anyone else who wants to get involved.

The ways in which these runaway or throwaway children could be put in contact with the Teen-to-Teen program could be: through their parents or friends; by the homeschoolers’ efforts; through local city, state, or county social or community programs or charities (Red Cross, Catholic Community Services, YMCA, Big Brothers/Sisters of America, etc.)

Some of the benefits for homeschoolers would be: the chance to make new friends while helping people; to learn first-hand about the problems out in the world; to gain credits toward a diploma (social studies, psychology, etc.); to develop skills in relating to people outside of one’s immediate socioeconomic group; good press for the homeschool movement.

Anyone interested in this program should contact the NHA (address above).

ARCHITECTURE INTERNSHIP

We got an announcement from the NACUL Architectural Center (592 Main St, Amherst MA 01002; 413-256-8025) saying, :For the past sixteen years we have been working with students and interns on research and design of environmentally responsive buildings and communities. The projects have included the design and construction of passive solar houses, renovations and proposals for sustainable communities and neighborhoods. The actual work includes: research, architectural design, construction drawings, model building and building construction. Hours are flexible. However, all participants are required to attend field trips, reviews and seminars. Write or call the Internship Coordinator if you are interested in joining us and would like more information.” If any homeschoolers pursue this, we’d like to hear about it.

WORK ON ORGANIC FARM

The Maine Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association offers year-round apprenticeships on working farms in Maine. The literature says that the minimum stay is eight weeks and the minimum age is 18, but maybe some of you can investigate whether they will consider lowering the age requirement. They charge $15 for the service of placing you with a farmer. For more information and an application, write to Apprenticeship Program, Maine Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association, Dept H, Box 2176, Augusta ME 04330; 207-622-3118.

APPRENTICESHIP ON MUSK OX FARM IN ALASKA

Alaskan homeschooler Betty Breck writes:

The world’s only domestic musk ox farm, near Anchorage, is looking for live-in volunteers to help with combing out the superfine underwool and with calving, from May 1 to June 30. Room and board are provided, and it’s a great opportunity for a real Alaskan experience.

The farm will accept applications from older homeschoolers and parent/teen combinations. A waiver of liability and proof of insurance are provided for children under 18. Experience with large livestock is helpful but not required.

Alaska Homechoolers Association will provide support services, such as a chance to visit our homes and sightseeing, and information on low-cost air fares. Send resume and a letter of application to The Musk Ox Farm, PO Box 587, Palmer AK 99645.

HOMESCHOOLER OFFERS INFO ON TRAVEL, INTERNSHIPS

Anna-Lisa Cox (6241 138th Ave, Holland MI 49423) says that she has a lot of information about overseas travel and internships for young people, and would be glad to answer questions from other homeschoolers. Anna-Lisa’s writing appears in the Focus section of this issue of GWS.

NEW ALCHEMY INSTITUTE–PEOPLE DOING IMPORTANT WORK
From Donna Richoux:

I thoroughly enjoyed the Winter ‘88 issue of the New Alchemy Institute’s newsletter, the Quarterly. Subtitled “Dear New Alchemy… Old Alchemists Write Home,” it contains pieces from a dozen former staff members and volunteers, talking about what they got out of their time at the Institute and what they are doing now. It is a lively picture of people finding and doing important work.

In Teach Your Own, John Holt wrote about a high school senior who hated school and asked him for advice. He suggested she visit the New Alchemy Institute, a small experimental farm and research facility, in which people experiment with solar greenhouses, fish-farming, tree raising, composting, biological pest control, etc. “as small as it is,” he wrote, “it seems to me one of the most important groups of people working anywhere.” The student did visit, was very impressed, decided to study Life Sciences and, as it happened, worked hard in school and got on the honor roll. In the “Dear New Alchemy” issue of the newsletter, one young woman tells a similar story about herself - she does not appear to be the same person, as she was only 12 when she visited NAI. She says of her first visit, “All around us was a very wonderful feeling of hope that I carried with me for seven years until I returned.”

When you send for the newsletter, also ask for NAI’s free catalog and brochure. Also, I just learned that their next newsletter, Spring ‘89, will be about innovative, hands-on science education, so some of you might like to buy that one as well. And a group of homeschoolers have been meeting regularly at the Institute - we’ll see if we can learn more about that.

VOLUMES OF MANAS

We were very sorry to learn that Henry Geiger, for many years the editor of MANAS, the journal we have recommended several times over the years (most recently in GWS #66), died on February 15. A MANAS staff member told us that they have been receiving a lot of inquiries from home-schoolers as a result of our recent mention and of the recommendation the Colfaxes gave it in Homeschooling For Excellence. They would like everyone to know that while the journal is no longer being published, yearly unbound volumes are available from 1969 to 1988, at $8 each, from Box 32112, El Sereno Station, Los Angeles CA 90032.

GWS was founded in 1977 by John Holt.
Editor - Susannah Sheffer
Managing Editor - Patrick Farenga
Contributing Editor - Donna Richoux
Editorial Assistant - Mary Maher
Editorial Consultant - Nancy Wallace
Book & Subscription Manager - Day Farenga
Book Shipper/Receiver - Ann Barr
Office Assistant - Mary Maher

Holt Associates Board of Directors:
Patrick Farenga (Corporate President), Mary Maher, Tom Maher, Donna Richoux, Susannah Sheffer

Advisors to the Board:
Steve Rupprecht, Mary Van Doren, Nancy Wallace

Copyright (c) 1989 Holt Associates, Inc. All rights reserved.