Page Three
RETIRED TEACHER SUPPORTIVE
Debra Stewart (WA) sent this letter which appeared in a local paper a few days after an article about the Stewarts’ home-schooling:
… In regard to Sunday’s article about the Stillaguamish Learning Center, I question why the state officials can’t leave these people alone.
Speaking as a retired teacher with many years of experience, I thrilled to read about parents with that much interest in their children’s learning. One of the problems of the public schools is to find parents who have time or interest to give to their children’s learning.
It seems ridiculous that the state officials would demand home inspections. If the homes are safe for the children to live in when not studying why wouldn’t they be safe for the shorter time when they are studying? The rules Tom Anderson, deputy attorney general, is trying to enforce there were made for larger groups of children. It seems as though he is trying to harass these people.
Here is a group that is doing much more than average parents to see their children get the type of education best suited to the child. They are hiring a certified person to test the children to be sure they are accomplishing scholastically. The children seem to be ahead of their contemporaries in the public schools with no cost to the taxpayers. The parents aren’t begging the state for money to help. They aren’t complaining about having to pay taxes to help other children have schools. My respect goes out to them.
It is my opinion that as long as the children are achieving, in the way this article purports, Tom Anderson should use this time and energy toward trying to help the neglected children who can’t seem to fit into the public system. - Evalyn Pflueger, Snohomish _____
[JH:] Letter like this could probably be published in many papers where home-schoolers are having troubles. In general, letters to the editor are very good ways to reach the public.
FRIENDLY ADMINISTRATOR
Denise Hodges (IL) writes:
… I wrote up our curriculum and sent it to the regional superintendent in August. Haven’t heard a thing from him personally. …My husband Don teaches at a public school. Recently his superintendent approached him and said, “I hear we’re fellow administrators!” Don didn’t know what he was talking about until he remembered we jokingly listed him as our principal (because he’s not here all day!), when we filled out the form to register as a private school. Anyway, the superintendent went on to say that the regional superintendent had told him about our school and he was “very impressed” with our curriculum! So it looks like we’ll have no problems!
SINGLE PARENT HOMESCHOOLER
From Pat Tennant (CA):
… We have a friend who is a single parent raising her 7-year-old son. She is a licensed day-care person because that allows her to have some income and also be home with her son. But this is a low-income job so she uses some government services such as Medi-Cal. Because of this she has to meet once a year to have her “life reviewed” by a welfare person. This year, because of her son’s age, she had to bring proof that he was enrolled in a school. We had agreed a while back that if she needed coverage we would enroll Mark in our school - he is enrolled but is at home with his mother. So, for her meeting with the welfare person, we gave her a letter stating that Mark was enrolled in Lothlorien. When the welfare person saw this she remembered reading about the home-schools in the paper so she called the county schools office and asked if this school was a legal school. She was told that it was. She asked if it was one of the schools that was allegedly illegal and was told that no action was being taken at this time and until such time when action was taken, these schools were considered legal and that it was fine for Mark to be in that school …
DISCUSSIONS WITH EX-HUSBAND
From a mother in Kansas:
…I am interested in hearing more about divorced parent situations in which one disapproves of home schooling. I was pleased to see it mentioned in GWS #31. I am just going ahead with my own plans to keep my almost-6-year-old son out of school (he’s legal until age 7) but am apprehensive about what big guns an otherwise friendly but in this case very traditional father might use. My tactics have been as follows: I know I would not be polite while discussing something I feel so strongly about face to face with him, so I wrote a series of essays for him explaining my beliefs and hopes, and inviting his participation and support. It was in a series because many people will not read much at a time, especially about a subject they don’t want to know about. These essays I doled out to him at intervals of a week or two. Then when all four of us met (my spouse is behind me on the issue), there was a known basis for discussion. In my case this was not the road to unanimity, but at least I initiated controlled and less emotional debate than might have been generated by misunderstanding. I have now suggested that my ex-husband and I meet to begin negotiations toward some middle ground, but he is visibly terrified of confrontation and has not yet responded. Maybe these ideas will help someone start the ball rolling. It has been extremely difficult to be cast as revolutionary by family and friends, so this step-by-step process gives the chaos a semblance of order …
JOB VS. HOME-SCHOOL
From Deb Martin (IL):
… The price of keeping one parent home most of the time with a child can be high if the parent is giving up a job. I know there are certain advantages in giving up a job that probably outweigh the disadvantages, like not having to pay for child care, cheaper transportation, clothing, food, not to mention the emotional cost for the children. In our case I had a 2 1/2-year-old and a 5-year-old and a new baby, I felt overwhelmed trying to teach the 5-year-old and handle the rest. We seriously considered putting our 5-year-old into Montessori school. We ended up keeping him home, however, for a couple of reasons. First of all, I decided that what I wanted to do most was to teach my own children and it was worth the cost to make that possible. So instead of spending money to have someone else teach, we are spending money to have a junior high school girl come in for two hours each afternoon to help do housework and relieve me so I can focus some time on our 5-year-old. The second reason I felt OK about this was a phone conversation with a Montessori teacher and teacher-trainer, who was also teaching her children at home. She that if I read to my children day and made materials and equipment readily available to them, I would be doing as well as if I had my children in a Montessori school …
NEW HOME THROUGH GWS
From Jane McClung in Texas:
… While I was reading GWS #28, I found the letter from Susan Corcoran, “Found a Home,” which referred to the letter in GWS #24 about the Greenwood Forest Association. Over Christmas we drove over 900 miles to Missouri to see the last remaining 10 acre parcel.
… When we arrived at that dirt road, all I could say is “What have I gotten us into this time?” as we stopped every few hundred feet to assess the road situation. We learned later the road has been there since the Civil War. It was full of big rocks, holes, water, etc. - we drove for 45 minutes in those woods before we found a living soul. We were beginning to wonder if someone wouldn’t find us until the spring! What an adventure! Finally we found some humans and they directed us to the Paxton family’s cabin. What lovely and intelligent people we met as they took us around to meet the neighbours. They really lived in cabins, teepees, etc. While we were visiting, the sun went down and they lit their lanterns. I’ve never had someone say to me, “Come closer. Let me push the lantern closer to you so I can see your face while we talk.” I always felt I was born in the wrong century. The experience was like being transported back in time to a simpler life and one that was compatible with our beliefs in home birth, home school, and a more home-centered philosophy.
We stayed three days, even spending one night on our 10 acres in 20 degree weather to be sure it was right for us. We loved it. Then we signed the papers and everyone hugged each other. We didn’t just get land in the deal -we got wonderful neighbours and a unique lifestyle too …
We are busy planning what kind of home we’ll build. Michael, 4, has volunteered to paint it red. We hope to return to plant fruit trees in the spring …
DEALING WITH THOUGHTLESSNESS
… One aspect of home-schooling that concerns us is the child’s feeling of being different from others. We live in a residential area surrounded by a group of all-American elementary school kids, who already make rude remarks about our son being a baby because he is not in kindergarten (which is not compulsory). He loyally espouses home-schooling, but admits he does feel bad when they set him apart. — A Kansas parent. _____
… I am eleven years old, and am in my fourth year of home-schooling… One of the girls in my neighbourhood thought I was having school at home because I was retarded! She had asked her dad about me having school at home, and that’s what he said. It took a lot of talking to her to get that out of her head. — Lisa Holway (OH). _____
… A friend of his age told Shawn that Shawn couldn’t spell since he didn’t take spelling tests! — Connie Colten (CA). _____
[DR:] Sad to say, learning to deal with ignorant and cruel remarks is something all children have to do as they grow up, whether they go to school or not. It’s important for home-schooled children to realize that; if the issue wasn’t home-schooling, it would be something else, sooner or later -appearance, clothes, vocabulary, diet, possessions, beliefs, etc. People have many different reactions to the pain inflicted by such thoughtlessness; many, of course, decide to conform, to be so much like everyone else that no one could possibly notice them. Being different takes courage.
In GWS #15, John wrote, “From the age of 11 I felt left out, and never more so than when I was in school … I think I would have been better off if I had felt, and been, somewhat less left out than I was. But it gave me the independence and moral courage I needed to do things in my adult life that most people weren’t doing, to follow work that seemed important.”
I’m sure many parents have discussed this issue with their children, and I hope more readers will write us about how they’ve handled situations like these.
BLAMING THE UNCONVENTIONAL
Denise Hodges (IL) wrote:
… I have found that when you go against the status quo, that area of your life becomes the scapegoat for anything that goes wrong. At La Leche League meetings we often discuss how when there is anything wrong with a breast-fed baby, people (especially the pediatrician) will suggest that there is something wrong with the milk (not enough, too much, not the right kind, etc) when in fact it usually has nothing to do with that. Maia still nurses frequently and I often hear, “She cries because she’s still nursing” or other such-nonsense, as if weaned 3-year-olds never cry!
Now home-schooling falls into this category, too. I’m hearing things like, “Lucas is crabby because he knows he should be in school,” or “He fights with the neighbour kids because they are jealous of his not being in school,” or “Lucas doesn’t know how to get along with kids because he’s not in school,” etc. So, home-schoolers beware! If your kid gets warts or hiccups, someone may tell you it’s because he’s not in school! … _____
[JH:] I used to say to teachers, when you do something the old way, if (as usual) it doesn’t work, everyone blames the children; if you do it a new way, and it doesn’t work - or even if it does - they blame you.
GOING BACK TO SCHOOL
From Lisa Holway (OH), who was home-schooled for four years:
… Next year I will be in seventh grade, and will be going to Hilliard Middle School.
The main reason I want to go to middle school is to meet other girls my age. I’m a little worried about how people might accept me at first, but hopefully after the first few weeks we can be good friends.
… Home schooling has been a great experience for me, and I don’t think I would have missed it for anything. But I need to grow and change, and going to middle school is just one of my ways of doing that. Other people might rather stay at home, and that is fine. We’re each doing our own thing, and enjoying it!
One great advantage of having school at home is the time you have to do the things you want to do like reading, writing stories, drawing, cooking, playing the guitar, etc … What I like about home schooling is having your mom around to talk to, ask help from, have fun with, and do things with. But whether you have school at home, or go to a public school, the important thing is to be happy wherever you are … _____
From Sharon Hillestad (MN):
… Holly has signed up for the 9th grade at Hastings Junior High. She literally skipped 6th, 7th, and 8th grades. It took less than 15 minutes to get her back in school in Hastings. Last year she tried to enroll in junior high in Huntsville, Alabama. The school secretary told her she couldn’t come to school without records. Holly told her that she hadn’t been to school for two years but the woman kept insisting on records. So that was that …
[DR: Since this was the first time we had ever heard of a homeschooler having trouble trying to get back into school, I asked Sharon if they had tried going over the secretary’s head to someone with more authority to bend the rules. She replied, “Holly did her own inquiring in Alabama and did not go past the secretary.”]
PART-TIME SCHOOL
Janet Williams (PA) writes:
…My children are all doing well. I am holding my own despite having two pre-adolescents. Why is there so much fuss about adolescence? The real killer for me has been 9-11.
Jenni has come out of that stage beautifully. She is very together and has managed a hybrid of school and home. She can hold her own when there are problems in school (she doesn’t get hostile or teary or frustrated anymore). Last June she told the Middle School principal that she would be willing to return to school fulltime IF he would approve her skipping 7th grade and moving into the 8th where most of her friends are this year. He said no. She said, “Then I will be home again.”
Her schedule is as follows: Monday - 1st period Computers, then home. Tuesday: 1st Industrial Arts, 4th Recess, 5th Lunch, 6th Science, 7th Phys. Ed. 8th Art. Wednesday: 1st Speed Reading, 4th Recess, 5th lunch, 8th Chorus. Thursday: 1st Spanish, 4th Recess, 5th lunch, 6th Science, 7th Phys. Ed, 8th Bi-weekly clubs. Friday: home all day.
….Periods when she is not in a class, she works independently in the library or computer room.
… The three days seem just about right for Jenni. She does most of her school homework while she is there. She is more responsible about it than she was last year. It is such a pleasure not to have to nag and pressure her. It did not do either of us any good …
ON GUILT
To a parent who had many concerns about the issue of home-schooling, John wrote:
… Your letter raises an issue of great importance, to which I have given much thought.
We have printed and will print stories from people who want very much to teach their children at home but for one reason or another have not been able to find a way to do so. Sometimes we or other GWS readers have been able to suggest a way out of the dilemma, sometimes not, in which case we consider how to make school less harmful to the child until a solution can be found. Meanwhile we say, “Be patient, keep hoping and trying, between us we will sooner or later turn up something.”
But I take it this is not quite what you want. You say, “My point is that an ideal viewpoint can become a source of guilt rather than a source of support to the very people who believe in it.” True; Mothering magazine, to name only one, prints many letters from women who feel badly because they were not able to have a home or natural childbirth, or to nurse their children, or to spend as much time with them as they would like. Mothering and other magazines usually reply as we do above, by telling people to do the best they can and keep trying for something better. But some people seem to be telling us that we should not say so strongly that natural home birth, or breastfeeding, or home schooling, or whatever, are good for children, because it makes all those people feel bad who for whatever reason didn’t or don’t do it. Well, I’m sorry they feel bad; I often feel bad about a lot of things I have done or haven’t done. But our job is to say what we think is best for children and help people come as close to it as they can.
Later you say that your daughter is in first grade, by her own choice. I’ve said often that if children and their parents are happy with their schools, I’m delighted. It is only if they are unhappy that I urge them to think about home schooling. But I gather this is not the case with you and your daughter … As long as your daughter is thriving and happy in school, why should guilt arise? If, on the other hand, the day comes when her school stops being a good experience and starts becoming a bad one, then you may have to make a choice, for a while at least, between some things you want very much to do and the health, happiness, and growth of your child. Perhaps this conflict can be avoided, perhaps ways can be found, as indeed they often can, to make it possible for both of you to have what you most need. But if a choice has to be made, surely there is no question as to which must come first.
You write of “…the insinuated philosophy that happy families spend lots of time together.” It’s not insinuated, and it’s not a philosophy, in the sense of a theory; what we print are reports by real people about how they actually live their lives. You write, “How about happy families that have lots of different interests, activities and outlets and come together at dinner or whenever - with many exciting things to share?” There have been many such letters; if most letters are about families together, it is because most homeschooled children are still quite young. If the parents who write to us stress as much as they do how much they enjoy their children’s company, it is largely because so many of the people they meet say things to them like, “How can you stand to have your children around all the time?” etc.
A bit earlier in your letter you wrote, “I wish you would stress differences in maturation.” We stress, all the time, that children do not grow according to timetables, and that the best time for children (or adults) to learn or do things is when they are most eager to learn or do them, not when someone else’s theory says they should be done. You speak of “…a precocity syndrome.” There’s no “syndrome”; we print what people tell us about their children. If many of these sound precocious, it is only because all children, when not pressured or afraid, are in plain fact far more intelligent and capable than almost anyone thinks possible.
An old friend of mine and of GWS once criticized us for writing so much about “super-kids.” In practically the next breath he told us (showing us many photos, which I wish we could have printed) about his 15-year-old son, who on his own, working from books, without any previous experience, and without any instruction, advice, or help, built a small but complete house. I said to him, “Now who’s talking about ’superkids?’ How many fifteen-year-olds do you think build their own houses?” He laughed, and admitted the point, which is that even people who really like their children get so used to them, take them so much for granted, that they may fail to notice what remarkable things they do - and all children do remarkable things. We are not in the business of saying that some children are more remarkable than others. One of the reasons you never see any talk in GWS about “gifted children” is because we insist that all children are gifted. We don’t encourage people to wonder or worry about whether their children are less or more gifted than others; quite the reverse. We say, enjoy them for what they are.
We like to print and will continue to print what people tell us about the remarkable things that their children do. After all, we confront everywhere, among school people and the general public, a widespread conviction that children are lazy, incurious, incapable, untrustworthy, and just plain bad, and that they will never learn or do anything good unless made to. Here at GWS we do our best to combat and change this attitude, by printing stories that prove that children are curious, capable, extremely good at learning, and eager to do things well and to make a useful contribution to the life around them. To stop printing such stories because some people might find in them reason to feel ashamed of their own children would be a serious and self-defeating mistake. Every good thing done by any child helps break down the popular myth about all children’s badness and stupidity, and so works for the good of all children, especially home-schooled children. Reading such stories should make our readers, as they make us, feel not ashamed but reassured, glad, and proud.
In this issue we tell about an 18-year-old Canadian cellist who has already made a commercial recording and appeared with major orchestras. Should I, a struggling amateur cellist of almost sixty, resent her talent and feel shame because I can’t play as well and probably never will? No; I say, “Three cheers for her”‘ and go back to my own cello and work a little harder. All we can do is do the best we can. If we do that, we have no cause to feel shame.
Well, in any case, we are not going to stop printing good stories about home schooled children. And if and when we print stories about people having problems, as we do when people (rarely) send us such stories, it is to help them find ways to solve these problems, rather than to relieve other people of whatever burden of guilt they may have laid on themselves.
I hope this letter may somewhat lessen the problem of guilt for you and other readers. In any case, it should make our own position a little more clear …
LETTERS ON LEARNING DISABILITIES
Thomas Armstrong (LATEBLOOMERS EDUCATIONAL CONSULTING SERVICES, PO Box 2647, Berkeley CA 94702), who is writing a book on learning disabilities, writes:
… I was excited to get so many wonderful replies to my letter in GWS #28 about latebloomers and the “learning disabilities” scam. Many parents wrote in sharing stories of their lateblooming children who were spared the scars of special education (labelling, testing, and “cure”) by homeschooling and through the patience, faith, and trust of these parents in the natural growth processes of their children. I thought I’d share some selections from these letters with you and your readers. I’m still eager to hear from parents about their lateblooming kids and from any and all who are willing to speak out against the distortions of the whole “learning disability” movement… _____
From a letter that a Wisconsin parent sent to Mr. Armstrong:
… I have a very interesting child who is definitely a “late bloomer.”…Seth seemed slow to master physical and mechanical skills, but would often suddenly learn a whole group of skills in one to two days. At 9 months Seth did not sit up, crawl, scoot, or walk. In one week, shortly before he was 10 months old, he learned to do all of them … As he neared 3 years of age, Seth occasionally spoke a single full sentence but did not use any other words or gestures on a regular basis. By this time his younger sister was beginning to speak well. Again I became concerned. Suddenly Seth began talking and talked constantly … At 4 his physical skills were really lacking. He couldn’t catch a ball, hop, or even run very well. Stupidly I let friends persuade me to enroll him in a special pre-school program for “slow learners.” It was neither a good nor a bad experience. Toward the end of the year, Seth made another of his miraculous advances, was suddenly doing everything he should be and was tired of preschool. I stopped sending him, but attributed his gains to the program. Looking back I realize that it was not the program at all, but Seth’s pattern of learning … Seth was 7, he couldn’t read at all, still wrote many words backwards, his sister, his only friend, decided she was tired of playing with boys, another dark time for Seth. His physical coordination fell way behind his sister’s. She began to lose her teeth - he didn’t. But by now we had faith in Seth. We basically left him alone. The result, Seth lost 6 teeth in one week, developed a fascination with reading and suddenly shot ahead of his sister who we were sure would read before he did, began to make friends, became an ace at badminton, and can never get enough math problems to work. But he was almost 9 years old before all this happened … _____
Pearlene Gavlik (NH) wrote:
… In previous school years, Sherry had been core-evaluated, placed in Title I and Chapter 766 programs. None of them really helped to a large degree. In my heart, I never really believed she had a learning disability … While attending school she had a very low tolerance frustration level, a very hostile and sarcastic disposition, no memory retention, and no desire to learn at all. She hated to read, would refuse to read assigned chapters for homework, and most of the time would go around with a retarded look on her face.
In my home-study program, I’ve tried to give her a lot of space, not pressure her to learn, and be patient with a non-judgemental attitude. After about nine months of this, remarkable changes started occurring. She was becoming more thoughtful with a pleasant disposition, did not need her friends any more to amuse and distract her, her mind started getting more creative and she demonstrated more patience in her projects. Now she loves to read. Lately she’s been reading a book a day. She’s excited about learning all about dinosaurs, insects, herbs, gardening, astronomy, mineralogy, wildlife, trees and plants, birds and fish, canning foods, sewing, Egyptian kings and relics, ancient Rome and Greece … _____
From Freda Davies (Ont.):
… My son, ex-husband, brother and father were all placed in one or another of the above categories [”learning disabled,” “slow,” “lazy”] by the school system and the scars show on all of them. I think I have managed to counteract some of the ill effects on my son by taking him out of school. He is now nearly 12 years old and has been “unschooling” since age 8. During Kevin’s three years in school, he almost constantly begged me to let him stay home. The only part of school that he liked were recesses and a few other occasions when he was able to choose his own activities. He had (and still has) a strong aversion to any organized learning programs including such apparently innocuous ones as swimming or skiing lessons … At about age 10 Kevin made a sudden leap in his reading ability [See Freda’s letter in GWS #17]. From reading only a few words, he jumped to whole sentences, often containing fairly difficult words. He still reads mainly comic books, saying that “chapter” books are too boring … Kevin has no trouble doing math calculations in his head or using a calculator to solve more complex problems… He does very little writing except occasionally when he wants to write a business letter to the Lego corporation. Building with Lego sets is his great hobby and he often has questions or complaints which bother him until he writes and gets an answer from the company … Besides Lego, Kevin likes making taped “radio” programs either by himself or with friends … _____
And from an Alaska mother:
… My lovely sweet Anette, now 10, was labelled SLD [Specific Learning Disability] in first grade … We went with the option of placing her in the SLD program, halfway through first grade! I know it’s like crying over spilt milk but I wish I’d never done it … She spent a lot of “sick” days, especially when I went into the classroom to help once a week. I knew the teacher felt I was catering to her when I’d let her come home with me. You see, I was beginning to feel something was wrong!
… We then moved to our present home in the woods, 7 miles from school… We were able to qualify for Home Correspondence. That was terrible! I was constantly battling the teachers who felt, it seems, that all children learn the same! … As winter went along … things went from bad to worse! The work was intense, the pressure also. I no longer felt like a mother, but a witch!… Needless to say, Anette learned little and in the end refused to even work, blocking out all learning …
We went totally on our own the following year. They (the correspondence advisors) sent us a requisite for having your own school from the state laws; but have never bothered to see if we carry it out. We’re in our second year now. With Anette, I let her totally alone. Never did I give her an assignment or pressure … She now reads, picks up a book, even a comic book. She loves the Cuisenaire rods, we follow the series as she asks me to do it. Enjoys math this way … Better late than never! …
ON “DYSLEXIA”
Mary Maher (MA) wrote:
… I must tell you that while reading TEACH YOUR OWN, I became very excited over what you had to say about dyslexia. I have a vivid first grade memory of trying to copy the number 5 off the blackboard onto my paper. I saw the 5 correctly, but was unable to make my hand write what I saw. I was only able to make it backwards. I was terribly frustrated because I could see my five was not the same as the five on the board … _____
[JH:] Just the other day I watched a child trying to make a 5. She got the horizontal line OK, then the vertical line, but when she started to do the curved part, she couldn’t get it to go the right way. Then when she saw it was going wrong, she tried to reverse it, which made it look even worse. She was very frustrated. Fortunately, no one was pushing her to “do it right” - she didn’t even see me watching. She has plenty of time to wait before trying it again.
LATE-BLOOMING READER
From Debbie Jones (ID):
…It’s hard to believe we’ve been home schooling for four years now. This year we have seen many rewards that we’ve had to be patient for … Our Cori who is almost twelve finally took off in reading. He has been frustrated and discouraged since his school experiences (second grade). He didn’t enjoy reading and didn’t read on his own. Well, I read to the family quite a bit. We go to the library frequently. We read ourselves a lot. And this last year he would occasionally read a story or book to the other children. I was amazed at his improved ability. “All those years of working with him finally paid off,” they would say in school, but that isn’t it at all; he didn’t read at all for almost two years! Then a friend introduced him to the “Choose Your Own Adventure” series. BALLOON TO THE SAHARA and MYSTERY OF THE MAYA were two of the first ones he got and read and read and read. Recently he read some articles in Mother Earth News on raising chickens. And he just finished MY SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN, a very good book that I’m sure is at about the sixth grade level, according to the grade level people. If he was tested any time over the last few years you know what the verdict would have been: “He’s terribly behind. He’s not being taught!” etc …
A DOWN’S SYNDROME CHAMP
From Elaine Bechtold (see Resource List for Down’s Syndrome at the end of this issue):
…Our daughter’s 4-H project earned her the 1982 champion poultry trophy for Wright County and a state fair trip.
This girl who has Down’s Syndrome can now read the newspaper. Her reading ability helped her function at the state fair. She spent seven years in public school (Trainable Mentally Retarded) class where reading would not be taught. The past 4-5 years she is in a Christian day school where she is challenged just like everyone else. Here she is learning and progressing every day …